In the past few months Sophie has been asking for her dad. A lot. That's nothing new, she's a daddy's girl. I was too (and still am, love you poppy!). I know I tortured my mom when I was a teenager saying that I wanted to live with him and not her. I expected this type of thing as soon as Sophie and I moved out on our own. What I didn't expect was for it to start so soon.
It probably sounds like I am whining about nothing but it's just been getting worse and worse. Now when I pick her up she is usually screaming and crying before I walk in the door or she starts when she sees me. I get a lot of "I don't want you, I don't want to go with you!" What breaks my heart the most is when she asks to go "home". My house isn't home to her. If she's not screaming, the second I get her into the car seat she asks when she's going back to her dad's. I tell her, and then she asks again when we get home. Then again at dinner. When I put her to bed. When we wake up the next morning she asks if her dad is picking her up. Apparently she does the same thing to him, but she wants to see her grandma.
Honestly, it breaks my heart. It wears on my patience with her, and I have found myself snapping at her for things that are usually easy for me to correct or discuss with her. I try to be cuddly, to engage her, but mid-conversation the question always pops up. "When am I going to daddy's?". I have to hold her and stroke her hair and rock her as she cries for him, almost every day. I know it's because he treats her like a princess, literally. And it's not that I don't spoil her but I do have different standards in my home that she seems to think are unreasonable and harsh. The biggest issue is the fact that I won't put a TV in her room and let her watch it all night. Rules like that make me the bad guy and of course she would rather be with him. I'm not saying that he is a bad parent, he has his reasons for everything the same as me (the TV helps with her night terrors, but I prefer to give her music). I am just saying that a child her age is only worried about getting what they want and to her I am not as fun, apparently.
Sometimes I really feel like I have to choose between being a good parent and being loved by her. I always take her places and spoil her when she deserves it, and we always try to get out and do stuff but my at home rules are enough to send her running at times (like not needing cartoons on all day). Right now I've reached the point of saying "Screw it. I'd rather be a bad guy to her than a bad mother." I refuse to have a spoiled kid! So she's getting some tough love along with plenty of cuddles when she allows it, until things settle down.
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| I love her even when she breaks my heart |
