Thursday, May 28, 2015

What do I want to be when I grow up?

Lately I've been struggling with the fact that I have been in college for 3 years now and I feel like I am going nowhere. I originally started out with high hopes of a Master's in medical technology so that I could go on and work in the field I'm most passionate-- biology and genetics. However I had to quickly make a decision. Could I handle the next 6 years working and going to school full time, only seeing Sophie for about 2 hours a day? The answer was no. Maybe if I was a 'normal' parent but at that time there were weeks when I only had her 2 days in a row. There was no way I was going to spend 4 hours a week with my child. I had to pick something else and fast. So here I am, 3 years later, about to graduate with my CMA. My big dreams of being a research scientist quickly faded into that of a medical assistant.

Let me be clear, I'm not bitter. I don't resent Sophie or feel that she has taken anything away from me. Rather, everything I do is for her. Even if I one day have some medical job that I hate it will be well worth it to know that I haven't missed out on these precious early years with her.

Right now I'm debating on whether I even want a CMA job. I have a great job here at the daycare and the best part about this place (other than my boss being my best friend) is that I have room for personal growth. I have the time (most days) to put some thought and effort into other projects if I feel the need to. I think for the next few months I'm going to put my precious free time into taking some writing courses and pursuing another dream of mine. I have wanted to be an author since I was young and have been writing short stories and poems for years. I think it's time to try and make that dream into a reality. I want to feel like I've done SOMETHING with my life and made some type of mark on this world, and I just feel like nothing I do as a medical assistant is really going to fulfill that urge.

I'll definitely still finish out my schooling, but after that I'm not really sure what's going to happen. In the meantime, I think leaving the job that has had my back for the last four years any time in the foreseeable future would be a huge mistake. Look at these cute faces. I just love them.