Parenting Fail, Part One

I'm pretty sure I've failed at being a good mom. I've always considered myself a decent parent. I try to take Sophie places, I'm fun yet firm, I only lose my temper and fall to the ground screaming every couple of weeks or so...

But somehow, my daughter has turned into a screaming, temper tantrum throwing, stubborn, ungrateful brat.
Yes. I just called my daughter a brat.

She's done a complete 360 from the Sophie I'm used to. She straight up tells me no, she throws a fit over everything, and she doesn't listen. When I try to do things for her, they're never good enough. For example, Joey and I took her to Headwaters park to play in the fountain before dinner one weekend. She played and played until she was soaked to the bone and freezing cold. Before we got there she had been asking for dinner so I told her it was time to dry off and head for some food. She immediately started fake crying, loudly yelling, and saying "I NEVER get to play in the fountain! Everyone else gets to play but me!" Joey looked around, looked at her, and said "No one else is here... You're the only kid that got to play in the fountain." It was true, too. There was a walk for Alzheimer's that was going past the fountain and few people quickly ran through but no kids got to stop and play. But did Sophie care? Nope. Logic was not for her in that moment. We were evil and never let her do anything. How dare we?

Needless to say, I have grounded my three year old. I'm not sure how effective it will be, but time out sure isn't cutting it these days. I'm making her a chart with stickers and everything, and she has to go 14 straight days (at my house, not including the days she is gone with her dad) without throwing a fit or saying no or just straight up being a grump. I have also instilled the "yes ma'am" rule that I was made to follow as a teenager. She has no toys, and I've even had to threaten to put her dollhouse in storage (I took the furniture and dolls away, but she still has the dollhouse set up). All she's allowed for the next two weeks are books, coloring/activity books, and music. If she messes up, she starts back at day one.

This might sound hardcore, but I refused to have a spoiled child. I'll check back in once she makes it to two weeks and see how it goes. So far I think she has finally realized how serious I am. We've made it two days and although there were some close calls, she's getting there.

What I learned at RiotFest

Yet another non-parenting related blog post for my "parenting blog"...

Joey and I spent the weekend in Chicago for Riotfest. It was amazing. I haven't been to many concerts in my life let alone a three day music festival packed with some of my all time favorite bands. Some of the highlights for my weekend included Motion City Soundtrack, Taking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional, New Found Glory, and seeing a few new bands that I am now in love with including The Mighty Mighty Bosstones and City and Colour.

Motion City Soundtrack. This was probably the highlight of my whole weekend.

GWAR. Scary metal band that sprays blood at you. I never thought I would get fake blood sprayed at me during a concert, and I definitely never thought it would come out of a fake set of boobs.

I learned a few new things this weekend, some about myself and some about my wonderful boyfriend. I've always heard that you learn about your significant other while traveling and I definitely did this weekend. I mostly learned a few new reasons why I love him. The main one being that when he gets frustrated he never lashes out on me but just apologizes for being stressed. At one point we were lost in an extremely terrifying part of Chicago late at night and while I was totally oblivious just trudging around hoping to find the bus soon, Joey was well aware of our situation and was silently freaking out. To clue you in on how bad the neighborhood was, a couple of our friends were also lost there and a cop stopped them and asked them if they knew where they were, telling them to head east and hop on a bus right away.

That might sound like a stupid reason to fall in love with your S.O. all over again but it just reminds me why I love having him around. Sometimes I forget that I'm only 23 (although I'm sure that he doesn't) and I'm much more impatient and high strung when I get stressed. For example, Thursday night I got so freaked out by the fact that a spider was in my car that I snapped at him for no reason when he asked me a simple question. I realized immediately that I was being an idiot and apologized because he had done nothing wrong, but right then I was thankful for the effect he's been having on me. He's much more calm and mature when it comes to things like that and it makes me stop and think about how I'm acting. The whole redhead temper stereotype exists for a reason and I for one and not happy about it. It's something I'll probably be working on my whole life.

It rained all day Friday -_-

I also appreciated how much he tried to take care of me this weekend. Bone spurs in my hip and severe muscle spasms led to a lot of intense pain after walking/standing all weekend. He was constantly rubbing my back while we were standing around waiting for bands to start, asking me if I took my meds, and even skipped out on some plans to take me back to the hotel so that I could rest/soak in a hot bath. He was so sweet and so concerned the entire time. It really meant a lot considering that most people would probably have been irritated or felt held back. I get so frustrated with my back/hip problems because I hate that at 23 years old I can't do things that I want to. I feel like I shouldn't be having these issues at my age but I do, and he is always there for me through it.

The last couple of things that I learned this weekend were that I would never want to live in a big city (I thought Charlotte was big but I was sadly mistaken) and that the manager of The Mighty Mighty Bosstones is my new hero. He manages this band and every show he dresses up with them, goes out on stage, and dances and jumps around the entire time with the biggest smile on his face. You can tell he really loves the music (and who doesn't love some good ska?) and he has no cares about jumping around on stage acting a fool and having a good time. It made my day watching him.

Losing my mommy body...

I'm starting to question whether after 4 years I can really be blaming my physique on having a child considering the fact that I've never had a truly "flat" stomach. Ever since I was about 16 years old I have been about 145 lbs and in size 7 jeans. Even after I had Sophie I bounced back pretty quickly to my pre baby weight but I think all moms can verify that my body never looked the same. I've been struggling to lose what I call "the mom belly" for the last four years and no matter how much weight I lost it was always there. I even went so far as to start running 12-15 miles a week and got down to a size 5. Still no dice. The tummy was there.

Lately I've been working out with a friend every morning before work. We do cardio of course but we also do a lot of weight training. I found out the hard way that I've been doing squats wrong my whole life, but thanks to a slightly colorful phrase that my workout buddy employs, I can now do them in correct form and have started squatting more than just the bar! :D 

I also discovered these body wrap things on instagram. My best friend used them several years ago after her daughter was born and I remember getting all her before and after pictures thinking "that can't be real." I didn't want to waste my money on something that was only going to give me false hope so I never bothered to try them. I stumbled across a girl named Vanessa on IG that was a distributor and saw all her results. I started researching, reading people's reviews on all the products from the company that makes these wraps (IT works!). Everything I saw made me want to try them, so I started the treatments. So far I'm on wrap number 3 out of 4 that is supposed to complete 1 treatment. These body wraps aren't going to help anyone lose weight, and they aren't magic, but they do a good job of toning and tightening up any areas that need a little extra help. So far I'm really happy with my results and it's just pushing me to work even harder in the gym. I can't to see how I look this time next year. 

The left is before any wraps. The top right is after 2, and the bottom is after 3.

The top is before, the bottom is after 3 wraps.

Weekend Update

Between work, friends, and "Be a Touris 2014" Sophie and I had a pretty crazy weekend. We started off with a trip to the daycare Saturday morning. That led to the gym, grocery store, back to the daycare, and then home for naps. After naps we made a quick stop back at work and then met up with our favorite kiddos Brooke and Harrison for dinner and a playdate. We didn't get to spend near enough time with them because of our schedule but we did enjoy a nice meal at Chipotle. Harrison tried to put the moves on Sophie when we were saying goodbye and she decided to run up and kiss him on the cheek again before we left. It was so cute! We went to Joey's house to hang out which led to a trip to the park and us deciding to sleep over. It was her first time staying at his place over night and it went pretty well. She was scared to sleep in the guest room alone but we left plenty of lights on and Joey told her that monsters are scared of cats so Carlos could protect her.

On Sunday we were even busier than before. Sophie was uncharacteristically grumpy all weekend, so it was a rough start. First work, then we went back to Joey's to get him out of bed and head to IHOP for some pancakes. Our first stop for BAT was Science Central. Sophie was not having any of it. She was so grumpy and just not amused with the fact that most of the things there were meant for older children (like the huge slide). There is a nice little play area for the younger kids, but the only part she cared about was the water table. There were so many other people there and she was so irritated that I just gave up and said it was time to go home for a nap. We laid her down to watch Wall-E and she was passed out within 20 minutes. Joey and I settled in to finish up the last two episodes of American Horror Story (He got me addicted and I watched two seasons in a week). Once she woke up it was time for the Art Museum and Botanical Gardens. She enjoyed both and seemed to be in a much better mood.

We did have a slight mishap at the Botanical Gardens because she tripped and slammed into one of the windows with the side of her head. I could tell it hurt her pretty bad and she has a slight knot over her ear now. To make her feel better we decided to go over to Headwaters Park. She was upset over the lack of playground, but we ended up running and splashing through the fountain. We finished off with dinner at Pint and Slice where she demolished a huge piece off pizza and a giant cookie.

All in all it was a great weekend with some of our favorite people. I just want to send a special thanks to Joey who handled Sophie being a huge grump and me getting extremely frustrated like a total champ!

Back to school.. Back to school...

Last semester I decided I was done with college. Working 40 hours a week plus going to college full time was killing me. I would leave home around 6 am and get home around 8 pm.  I know tons of single moms do it but my issue was this: I only have Sophie 50% of the time. That means every other week I only see her on Wednesday and Thursday. She goes to bed around 9. That means every other week I only saw her for about 3 hours total. If I was lucky. I couldn't do it any more. Especially considering the only program I could find that I was interested in was a 5 year program. NOT counting the 2 years of stupid Gen Ed classes the community college I was attending was making me take.

So I decided to quit. I told my dad that I was done. Either I would wait to go back to college when I got married and didn't have to be the only working adult in my household, or I would just never go back. I would rather work a job that I hate than not see my daughter.

Except that I am miserably and utterly bored right now. I feel like I'm not doing anything with my life (because I'm not). As much as I love my dogs and my clients at work I want to feel like I'm DOING something. So with help from a friend and encouragement from my dad I found a 2 year program that will put my right into the field that I want. I really like the schedule my new school runs on too because rather than have 4 classes a semester they have 12 week "quarters" that focus on three classes at a time. The only thing that sucks is that class is once a week for four hours. But it kind of works out for my work schedule. I'll take what I can online and then for everything else I'll be struggling to stay awake for 4 hours :) My last quarter includes an intership at a local hospital and the school has a 100% employment rate for their Medical Assisting program so I'm pretty excited. Classes start next month. So basically me quitting college turned into me taking the summer off (which I always do anyway).

The extreme downside to Coparenting.

I'm going to talk about something that previously has only been discussed with my boyfriend and a couple close friends of mine. I don't know if any of my other friends that coparent or even have weekend visitations experience this but it's something I have been struggling with ever since I moved out on my own.

I feel like my daughter hates me most of the time. Now, I was ready to feel like this when she was a teenager because I remember how much I fought with my parents and yelled "I hate you" at both of them and was just generally a terrible hormonal mess. However, I wasn't prepared for my daughter screaming and yelling and running away at the sight of me every time I pick her up from the sitter when she's only two and three years old. She is currently being watched by her aunt during the day and every time I pick her up without fail she throws a fit and screams for her dad. I can see the tantrum start as soon if my car pulls in if they happen to be playing outside.

This makes me feel a variety of ways. One, it hurts. A lot. Two, I feel guilty. Obviously I'm doing something wrong so that she never wants to be with me as much as her dad. And three... I get pissed. I'm not going to lie. I get angry. I have sacrificed more than I can even say (as any mother should) for my family and it sometimes it makes me so angry that not only is it not appreciated but I'm greeted with screams and tears and "go away" every single day. I know it's not logical. I know it's not even very mature. But it's real and it's what I go through on the days that I have Sophie.

I'm not saying that the entire time we are together she cries and wants to leave because that's not the case. As soon as we get home she's just fine and all smiles and "I missed you's" and we're good to go. But you better believe she's going to ask me at least twice when she's going back to her dad's house. And you know what? I get it. I was a daddy's girl. Not only that but I mean who can really blame her? I have a tiny apartment, her dad has a house with a yard. At my place it's just me and her. At his place she has him, her stepmom, and her brothers that she adores. Not only that but I'm the "bad" parent that took her tv away and replaced it with trips to the park and the zoo, crafts, books, and play time. I feel like my love and attention from my daughter is based solely on what I can give her because let's face it. Toddlers are selfish and shallow. They're children. They don't know any better. All she knows is that I don't give her as much as her dad does and Mommy sure isn't scared to say no. That's what sucks about trying to be a good parent. You always risk making your kid mad. I don't really care because I would rather her be angry with me and still learn more and have more experiences than have her glued to the tv holding my hand.

I honestly don't even know how to end this blog because tomorrow it's going to be the same thing over again. I'm going to pick her up, she's going to throw a fit, and then I'm going to spend my entire weekend with her asking when she goes back to her dad's house.

Cheers, ya'll.

Weekend/Life Update

First of all, my weekend was pretty amazing. Sophie was at her dad's and Joey surprised me with a trip to Cedar Point. I haven't been since I was 15 and after buying a ticket for Riot Fest in September I just decided I was going to wait until next summer to go. The day started out with a pretty serious thunderstorm but thankfully it slowed to a drizzle by the time we arrived and the sun came out after a couple hours. The weather was perfect, the lines weren't insanely long, and I ran into a couple of my friends from high school in West Virginia. OH. And someone gave us their fast passes in the evening. That was sweet.

Sophie's Stepmom and I got her signed up for dance class. That starts in September. After we went to the studio's open house and got her registered my car decided to die. I had issues with it Sunday and even had to call into work for Monday but after replacing the battery I thought it was fixed. NOPE. Now I'm driving a Cadillac until it gets fixed. I actually kind of love it....

I didn't get the job at the zoo but I'm not even slightly upset because they only pay minimum wage and ain't nobody got time fo dat. I keep telling myself I need to find a "real" job but I think for now I'm going to stay at the daycare. I love my boss (and her babies), I love my coworkers, and I love the dogs. Sometimes I want to cry or rip my hair out but I guess that's any job. Plus I make more money cleaning dog poop and taking naps than I would be making at any of the jobs I've applied to so far.

Sophie and I start house sitting for Jenn on Friday so this weekend should be fun. I totally plan on taking advantage of her lovely fenced in yard and proximity to the Jorgensen YMCA and their awesome playground. I also start cat sitting for my friend/tattoo artist. His cat is hairless. I'm pretty excited to hang out with a hairless cat.

Towards the end of the month we will be moving in with Wes and Lindsey. I can't wait. I'm not saying I hate living in my tiny upstairs apartment but... I do. SORRY LYNN! Wes has a fenced in yard too. Yay! Hopefully it will only be for a few months, then Sophie and I can find a house of our own. The hard part is finding somewhere that allows dogs. I think since Rose ended up being so little she's just going to be a lab from now on :D