That's probably a pretty inappropriate title for a blog that's supposed to be dedicated to parenting and my adventures in singlemomhood but I'm very excited to be back after a whole month. I finally have internet again! To those of you that don't know, I moved. Yes, again. I won't be moving again for a while. We live in a real house now! A HOUSE. I'm so excited. I love it. The living arrangements we had weren't working out very much. I will never share a room with Sophie ever again. Rose was miserable too. It sucks, because I miss Wes and Lindsey. However, my best friend of 17 years finally moved here and now we live together. And work together. But that's another story.
I have so much to talk about I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll start with my job and discuss the rest in another post. I got a new job! A grownup job where I can't nap and watch Netflix. (sad face). I'm working at a pain management clinic now. I started at the front desk and now I'm working in the back prepping charts and such. I'm so glad they moved me because for the first three weeks of my job I was sobbing hysterically the whole way home. If you don't believe me, ask Joey. It was awful for many reasons. The main being that my new coworker and I were given a workload that we couldn't possibly finish each day. And although we were told "Hey, I know this is impossible but you should still try" by the staff we still got reprimanded for not finishing.
On top of that, the patients that we deal with are... different. They are either genuinely in pain or just looking to score some pills. Whichever it may be, there are a lot of grumpy patients to be had. I've been screamed at, cussed out, threatened, spit at, and all kinds of things. I have seen grown adults sigh, roll their eyes, and cuss at me for the smallest things such as asking to see their ID. I like helping the people that really need it (and you can tell who they are) because they are genuinely grateful to be there and are the sweetest people. I was brought to tears by a woman who had been beaten by her husband and broke down and told me what happened. After she described it she asked me "Do you think I'm ugly? Do you think anyone could love me?" It killed me.
Now, I'm stuck in a back room with just me and some charts and some music. I definitely like that much better. I can't wait to finish school and start being able to really help patients rather than just checking them in.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Thursday, November 6, 2014
This is going to be difficult...
Normally I blog, not to complain, but to share my problems and difficulties with other moms out there so that they can relate or even give me some solid (and much needed) advice. Today I'm going to write about something, and I honestly don't know if anyone of my other moms out there are going to relate to this. I'm sure most of you might shake your heads at me. Regardless, I'm going to share it, and anyone who reads this is welcome to give me their input.
Today, we're going to talk about religion.
I've been an atheist since I was a child. The idea of God just never rang true to me. I would be in church thinking "Really?" When I was about 17 I moved in with my aunt and was forced to go to a hardcore Southern Baptist church at least three times a week. At that point I decided to "try harder" with religion. I prayed all the time, read the bible several times over, was involved in several youth and bible study groups... Still nothing. Although I loved all the people I went to church with, I still wasn't in love with the church itself. Or its values. I've never looked down on anyone that was religious, it's just not for me.
Now, on to Sophie. She's been going to church with her dad's side of the family for a while now. And that's fine with me. I want her to grow up how I did. I want her exposed to religion and I want her to make her own educated decision without me forcing my opinion on her. I plan on doing so by educating her on the science side of the world and I guess her dad's side can take care of the religion part. I don't plan on telling her my exact feelings on the subject until she is much, much older because I don't want to influence her so young.
However my problem occurs when she asks me things like "Are angels real?" "Are you going to heaven when you die?" "Will I go to heaven?" I'm assuming they are discussing what happens after a person dies in church because yesterday she went so far to ask "What if I died right now?" What am I supposed to tell her? "Well, I personally think nothing would happen but according to your dad's religion you wouldn't be going to heaven because you're not baptized." UGH! I don't want to be talking about these things right now. So far all I've told her is that she should ask her pastor at church. My biggest struggle when she asked me why God made the earth and all the people. It's very hard for me to not to say "He didn't". I'm not even sure if I should try to explain evolution to her, or what. The Catholic faith is embracing it, so she should be able to as well, right?
Anyway, if anyone has an opinion or advice on this, I'd love to hear it. Whether you're a parent or not. This mom just needs some help.
Today, we're going to talk about religion.
I've been an atheist since I was a child. The idea of God just never rang true to me. I would be in church thinking "Really?" When I was about 17 I moved in with my aunt and was forced to go to a hardcore Southern Baptist church at least three times a week. At that point I decided to "try harder" with religion. I prayed all the time, read the bible several times over, was involved in several youth and bible study groups... Still nothing. Although I loved all the people I went to church with, I still wasn't in love with the church itself. Or its values. I've never looked down on anyone that was religious, it's just not for me.
Now, on to Sophie. She's been going to church with her dad's side of the family for a while now. And that's fine with me. I want her to grow up how I did. I want her exposed to religion and I want her to make her own educated decision without me forcing my opinion on her. I plan on doing so by educating her on the science side of the world and I guess her dad's side can take care of the religion part. I don't plan on telling her my exact feelings on the subject until she is much, much older because I don't want to influence her so young.
However my problem occurs when she asks me things like "Are angels real?" "Are you going to heaven when you die?" "Will I go to heaven?" I'm assuming they are discussing what happens after a person dies in church because yesterday she went so far to ask "What if I died right now?" What am I supposed to tell her? "Well, I personally think nothing would happen but according to your dad's religion you wouldn't be going to heaven because you're not baptized." UGH! I don't want to be talking about these things right now. So far all I've told her is that she should ask her pastor at church. My biggest struggle when she asked me why God made the earth and all the people. It's very hard for me to not to say "He didn't". I'm not even sure if I should try to explain evolution to her, or what. The Catholic faith is embracing it, so she should be able to as well, right?
Anyway, if anyone has an opinion or advice on this, I'd love to hear it. Whether you're a parent or not. This mom just needs some help.
Friday, October 31, 2014
How to date as a single mom
One of the hardest things about being a single parent is trying to have a life. Whether that's just a social life or a romantic one. I am lucky in that my co-parenting schedule has allowed me to keep my social life (and dating) separate from my daughter.
I'm not saying that I'm perfect, or that the way Joey and I do things are how everyone else should do them, but I will say that I'm proud of what we have done over the past six months and how we both handle our relationship.
I hate seeing my friends with children dating multiple guys, bringing every one of those guys around their children, and even allowing their kids to call the guys "dad" after just a couple of months. I'm not saying that they are wrong, just that I don't believe in it. And of course, I only say that because I made that mistake once. Sophie was a baby at the time but we ended up dating long enough that she still remembers the break up. Not good. Not that I blame any girls out there for dating around, we all know how hard dating can be. But not every guy that makes it through the few first dates needs to come home and meet the little.
Joey and I waited until we were together for 3 or 4 months before he met Sophie, and then we had a "date night" every two weeks where we all hung out. Now the schedule is basically nonexistent. Sometimes it's every week, sometimes every two weeks. Sometimes we spend most of an entire weekend together. It all just depends. So far it's gone really well. Maybe too well. Sophie cries for him some evenings and wants to go to his house but I think it's important that we each have our own spaces still. We plan on waiting at least 6 more months to move into together. Possibly a year. I don't plan on having a strict time table for our relationship. I'm just proud that we are taking things slow.
We aren't doing this because things aren't going well. They're actually going very well, so we see no need to rush things. I wish I had somebody telling me this things a few years ago, so hopefully my other single moms will take this to heart. You might think that it doesn't matter because your child won't remember but I'm here to tell you that they will.
You shouldn't approach a relationship with the mindset that the guy is dating you and needs to see your motherly side right away. He needs to see who you are as a PERSON not just a parent. He'll get to see that plenty on down the road. I can't say how many time outs and difficult nap times Joey has already endured. Let him see the real you before he sees the frazzled, frustrated, sticky mess you become around your child/ren. If he's the right guy, he'll love you both ways, and your little one too.
I'm not saying that I'm perfect, or that the way Joey and I do things are how everyone else should do them, but I will say that I'm proud of what we have done over the past six months and how we both handle our relationship.
I hate seeing my friends with children dating multiple guys, bringing every one of those guys around their children, and even allowing their kids to call the guys "dad" after just a couple of months. I'm not saying that they are wrong, just that I don't believe in it. And of course, I only say that because I made that mistake once. Sophie was a baby at the time but we ended up dating long enough that she still remembers the break up. Not good. Not that I blame any girls out there for dating around, we all know how hard dating can be. But not every guy that makes it through the few first dates needs to come home and meet the little.
Joey and I waited until we were together for 3 or 4 months before he met Sophie, and then we had a "date night" every two weeks where we all hung out. Now the schedule is basically nonexistent. Sometimes it's every week, sometimes every two weeks. Sometimes we spend most of an entire weekend together. It all just depends. So far it's gone really well. Maybe too well. Sophie cries for him some evenings and wants to go to his house but I think it's important that we each have our own spaces still. We plan on waiting at least 6 more months to move into together. Possibly a year. I don't plan on having a strict time table for our relationship. I'm just proud that we are taking things slow.
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| One of our special "dates", during the be a tourist 2014 event |
We aren't doing this because things aren't going well. They're actually going very well, so we see no need to rush things. I wish I had somebody telling me this things a few years ago, so hopefully my other single moms will take this to heart. You might think that it doesn't matter because your child won't remember but I'm here to tell you that they will.
You shouldn't approach a relationship with the mindset that the guy is dating you and needs to see your motherly side right away. He needs to see who you are as a PERSON not just a parent. He'll get to see that plenty on down the road. I can't say how many time outs and difficult nap times Joey has already endured. Let him see the real you before he sees the frazzled, frustrated, sticky mess you become around your child/ren. If he's the right guy, he'll love you both ways, and your little one too.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Life Update
I just wanted to update everyone on a few things going on for Sophie and I.
Home life: We're still living with the besty and his lady. Things are going well. I can tell Sophie misses having her own space and having to be a LOT more subdued because I don't want her driving everyone nuts (I'm not sure Wes and Lindsey have developed the tuning her out super power that I have). Overall it's nice though. We have a nice place and good friends. Hopefully in the next few months we will be able to find something for ourselves.
School: I'm on week three at my new school and classes are going well. I definitely have to study MUCH more than I did that last few years but I am taking core classes now instead of stupid gen ed classes that don't require much brain power. I thank my lucky stars every single day for my job and being able to study there. That, and having a boyfriend that is willing and interested to help me study.
Sophie's attitude: I quickly decided against the two week grounding after one of my favorite moms pointed out that I was setting up Sophie for failure. I think at this point she's pushing her boundaries with me and her stepmother has reported negative behavior at their place as well. I've decided that I'm just not going to acknowledge her whatsoever when she decides to throw a tantrum or to be rude. I'm still implementing the "yes ma'am' rule. She has gotten into the bad habit of back talking when I tell her to do something but she's quickly learning that when mommy says "jump" all she needs to say is "how high?". I hate to be so strict as fair as that goes but it worked for me when I had a raging temper and it seems to be working for her as well.
Me being partially crippled: I did a blog a few months ago about my back issues and anyone that knows me knows my back hurts just about 24/7. I went to a chiropractor yesterday and discovered a moderate curve in my spine and some pretty messed up sacral/illiac joints.Basically where my spine joins my pelvis is jacked up. I go back tomorrow for an adjustment. I know it won't get better right away but I'm hoping for some improvement as it's been severely limiting my activity and it hurts like hell.
That's all I can think of right now besides the fact that The Walking Dead starts this weekend. It's my favorite time of year because every Sunday we gather at Jenn's house for TWD nights. Before the show comes on we have dinner and dessert and play with the kids. Then the twins and Sophie enjoy bath time and we usually do a couple books before bed. Once the kids are asleep we turn on the show and I cover my eyes for most of it. It's my favorite day of the week because I get to watch one of my favorite shows with a group of my favorite friends and kiddos.
Home life: We're still living with the besty and his lady. Things are going well. I can tell Sophie misses having her own space and having to be a LOT more subdued because I don't want her driving everyone nuts (I'm not sure Wes and Lindsey have developed the tuning her out super power that I have). Overall it's nice though. We have a nice place and good friends. Hopefully in the next few months we will be able to find something for ourselves.
School: I'm on week three at my new school and classes are going well. I definitely have to study MUCH more than I did that last few years but I am taking core classes now instead of stupid gen ed classes that don't require much brain power. I thank my lucky stars every single day for my job and being able to study there. That, and having a boyfriend that is willing and interested to help me study.
Sophie's attitude: I quickly decided against the two week grounding after one of my favorite moms pointed out that I was setting up Sophie for failure. I think at this point she's pushing her boundaries with me and her stepmother has reported negative behavior at their place as well. I've decided that I'm just not going to acknowledge her whatsoever when she decides to throw a tantrum or to be rude. I'm still implementing the "yes ma'am' rule. She has gotten into the bad habit of back talking when I tell her to do something but she's quickly learning that when mommy says "jump" all she needs to say is "how high?". I hate to be so strict as fair as that goes but it worked for me when I had a raging temper and it seems to be working for her as well.
Me being partially crippled: I did a blog a few months ago about my back issues and anyone that knows me knows my back hurts just about 24/7. I went to a chiropractor yesterday and discovered a moderate curve in my spine and some pretty messed up sacral/illiac joints.Basically where my spine joins my pelvis is jacked up. I go back tomorrow for an adjustment. I know it won't get better right away but I'm hoping for some improvement as it's been severely limiting my activity and it hurts like hell.
That's all I can think of right now besides the fact that The Walking Dead starts this weekend. It's my favorite time of year because every Sunday we gather at Jenn's house for TWD nights. Before the show comes on we have dinner and dessert and play with the kids. Then the twins and Sophie enjoy bath time and we usually do a couple books before bed. Once the kids are asleep we turn on the show and I cover my eyes for most of it. It's my favorite day of the week because I get to watch one of my favorite shows with a group of my favorite friends and kiddos.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Parenting Fail, Part One
I'm pretty sure I've failed at being a good mom. I've always considered myself a decent parent. I try to take Sophie places, I'm fun yet firm, I only lose my temper and fall to the ground screaming every couple of weeks or so...
But somehow, my daughter has turned into a screaming, temper tantrum throwing, stubborn, ungrateful brat.
Yes. I just called my daughter a brat.
She's done a complete 360 from the Sophie I'm used to. She straight up tells me no, she throws a fit over everything, and she doesn't listen. When I try to do things for her, they're never good enough. For example, Joey and I took her to Headwaters park to play in the fountain before dinner one weekend. She played and played until she was soaked to the bone and freezing cold. Before we got there she had been asking for dinner so I told her it was time to dry off and head for some food. She immediately started fake crying, loudly yelling, and saying "I NEVER get to play in the fountain! Everyone else gets to play but me!" Joey looked around, looked at her, and said "No one else is here... You're the only kid that got to play in the fountain." It was true, too. There was a walk for Alzheimer's that was going past the fountain and few people quickly ran through but no kids got to stop and play. But did Sophie care? Nope. Logic was not for her in that moment. We were evil and never let her do anything. How dare we?
Needless to say, I have grounded my three year old. I'm not sure how effective it will be, but time out sure isn't cutting it these days. I'm making her a chart with stickers and everything, and she has to go 14 straight days (at my house, not including the days she is gone with her dad) without throwing a fit or saying no or just straight up being a grump. I have also instilled the "yes ma'am" rule that I was made to follow as a teenager. She has no toys, and I've even had to threaten to put her dollhouse in storage (I took the furniture and dolls away, but she still has the dollhouse set up). All she's allowed for the next two weeks are books, coloring/activity books, and music. If she messes up, she starts back at day one.
This might sound hardcore, but I refused to have a spoiled child. I'll check back in once she makes it to two weeks and see how it goes. So far I think she has finally realized how serious I am. We've made it two days and although there were some close calls, she's getting there.
But somehow, my daughter has turned into a screaming, temper tantrum throwing, stubborn, ungrateful brat.
Yes. I just called my daughter a brat.
She's done a complete 360 from the Sophie I'm used to. She straight up tells me no, she throws a fit over everything, and she doesn't listen. When I try to do things for her, they're never good enough. For example, Joey and I took her to Headwaters park to play in the fountain before dinner one weekend. She played and played until she was soaked to the bone and freezing cold. Before we got there she had been asking for dinner so I told her it was time to dry off and head for some food. She immediately started fake crying, loudly yelling, and saying "I NEVER get to play in the fountain! Everyone else gets to play but me!" Joey looked around, looked at her, and said "No one else is here... You're the only kid that got to play in the fountain." It was true, too. There was a walk for Alzheimer's that was going past the fountain and few people quickly ran through but no kids got to stop and play. But did Sophie care? Nope. Logic was not for her in that moment. We were evil and never let her do anything. How dare we?
Needless to say, I have grounded my three year old. I'm not sure how effective it will be, but time out sure isn't cutting it these days. I'm making her a chart with stickers and everything, and she has to go 14 straight days (at my house, not including the days she is gone with her dad) without throwing a fit or saying no or just straight up being a grump. I have also instilled the "yes ma'am" rule that I was made to follow as a teenager. She has no toys, and I've even had to threaten to put her dollhouse in storage (I took the furniture and dolls away, but she still has the dollhouse set up). All she's allowed for the next two weeks are books, coloring/activity books, and music. If she messes up, she starts back at day one.
This might sound hardcore, but I refused to have a spoiled child. I'll check back in once she makes it to two weeks and see how it goes. So far I think she has finally realized how serious I am. We've made it two days and although there were some close calls, she's getting there.
Monday, September 15, 2014
What I learned at RiotFest
Yet another non-parenting related blog post for my "parenting blog"...
Joey and I spent the weekend in Chicago for Riotfest. It was amazing. I haven't been to many concerts in my life let alone a three day music festival packed with some of my all time favorite bands. Some of the highlights for my weekend included Motion City Soundtrack, Taking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional, New Found Glory, and seeing a few new bands that I am now in love with including The Mighty Mighty Bosstones and City and Colour.
I learned a few new things this weekend, some about myself and some about my wonderful boyfriend. I've always heard that you learn about your significant other while traveling and I definitely did this weekend. I mostly learned a few new reasons why I love him. The main one being that when he gets frustrated he never lashes out on me but just apologizes for being stressed. At one point we were lost in an extremely terrifying part of Chicago late at night and while I was totally oblivious just trudging around hoping to find the bus soon, Joey was well aware of our situation and was silently freaking out. To clue you in on how bad the neighborhood was, a couple of our friends were also lost there and a cop stopped them and asked them if they knew where they were, telling them to head east and hop on a bus right away.
That might sound like a stupid reason to fall in love with your S.O. all over again but it just reminds me why I love having him around. Sometimes I forget that I'm only 23 (although I'm sure that he doesn't) and I'm much more impatient and high strung when I get stressed. For example, Thursday night I got so freaked out by the fact that a spider was in my car that I snapped at him for no reason when he asked me a simple question. I realized immediately that I was being an idiot and apologized because he had done nothing wrong, but right then I was thankful for the effect he's been having on me. He's much more calm and mature when it comes to things like that and it makes me stop and think about how I'm acting. The whole redhead temper stereotype exists for a reason and I for one and not happy about it. It's something I'll probably be working on my whole life.
I also appreciated how much he tried to take care of me this weekend. Bone spurs in my hip and severe muscle spasms led to a lot of intense pain after walking/standing all weekend. He was constantly rubbing my back while we were standing around waiting for bands to start, asking me if I took my meds, and even skipped out on some plans to take me back to the hotel so that I could rest/soak in a hot bath. He was so sweet and so concerned the entire time. It really meant a lot considering that most people would probably have been irritated or felt held back. I get so frustrated with my back/hip problems because I hate that at 23 years old I can't do things that I want to. I feel like I shouldn't be having these issues at my age but I do, and he is always there for me through it.
The last couple of things that I learned this weekend were that I would never want to live in a big city (I thought Charlotte was big but I was sadly mistaken) and that the manager of The Mighty Mighty Bosstones is my new hero. He manages this band and every show he dresses up with them, goes out on stage, and dances and jumps around the entire time with the biggest smile on his face. You can tell he really loves the music (and who doesn't love some good ska?) and he has no cares about jumping around on stage acting a fool and having a good time. It made my day watching him.
Joey and I spent the weekend in Chicago for Riotfest. It was amazing. I haven't been to many concerts in my life let alone a three day music festival packed with some of my all time favorite bands. Some of the highlights for my weekend included Motion City Soundtrack, Taking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional, New Found Glory, and seeing a few new bands that I am now in love with including The Mighty Mighty Bosstones and City and Colour.
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| Motion City Soundtrack. This was probably the highlight of my whole weekend. |
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| GWAR. Scary metal band that sprays blood at you. I never thought I would get fake blood sprayed at me during a concert, and I definitely never thought it would come out of a fake set of boobs. |
I learned a few new things this weekend, some about myself and some about my wonderful boyfriend. I've always heard that you learn about your significant other while traveling and I definitely did this weekend. I mostly learned a few new reasons why I love him. The main one being that when he gets frustrated he never lashes out on me but just apologizes for being stressed. At one point we were lost in an extremely terrifying part of Chicago late at night and while I was totally oblivious just trudging around hoping to find the bus soon, Joey was well aware of our situation and was silently freaking out. To clue you in on how bad the neighborhood was, a couple of our friends were also lost there and a cop stopped them and asked them if they knew where they were, telling them to head east and hop on a bus right away.
That might sound like a stupid reason to fall in love with your S.O. all over again but it just reminds me why I love having him around. Sometimes I forget that I'm only 23 (although I'm sure that he doesn't) and I'm much more impatient and high strung when I get stressed. For example, Thursday night I got so freaked out by the fact that a spider was in my car that I snapped at him for no reason when he asked me a simple question. I realized immediately that I was being an idiot and apologized because he had done nothing wrong, but right then I was thankful for the effect he's been having on me. He's much more calm and mature when it comes to things like that and it makes me stop and think about how I'm acting. The whole redhead temper stereotype exists for a reason and I for one and not happy about it. It's something I'll probably be working on my whole life.
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| It rained all day Friday -_- |
The last couple of things that I learned this weekend were that I would never want to live in a big city (I thought Charlotte was big but I was sadly mistaken) and that the manager of The Mighty Mighty Bosstones is my new hero. He manages this band and every show he dresses up with them, goes out on stage, and dances and jumps around the entire time with the biggest smile on his face. You can tell he really loves the music (and who doesn't love some good ska?) and he has no cares about jumping around on stage acting a fool and having a good time. It made my day watching him.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Losing my mommy body...
I'm starting to question whether after 4 years I can really be blaming my physique on having a child considering the fact that I've never had a truly "flat" stomach. Ever since I was about 16 years old I have been about 145 lbs and in size 7 jeans. Even after I had Sophie I bounced back pretty quickly to my pre baby weight but I think all moms can verify that my body never looked the same. I've been struggling to lose what I call "the mom belly" for the last four years and no matter how much weight I lost it was always there. I even went so far as to start running 12-15 miles a week and got down to a size 5. Still no dice. The tummy was there.
Lately I've been working out with a friend every morning before work. We do cardio of course but we also do a lot of weight training. I found out the hard way that I've been doing squats wrong my whole life, but thanks to a slightly colorful phrase that my workout buddy employs, I can now do them in correct form and have started squatting more than just the bar! :D
I also discovered these body wrap things on instagram. My best friend used them several years ago after her daughter was born and I remember getting all her before and after pictures thinking "that can't be real." I didn't want to waste my money on something that was only going to give me false hope so I never bothered to try them. I stumbled across a girl named Vanessa on IG that was a distributor and saw all her results. I started researching, reading people's reviews on all the products from the company that makes these wraps (IT works!). Everything I saw made me want to try them, so I started the treatments. So far I'm on wrap number 3 out of 4 that is supposed to complete 1 treatment. These body wraps aren't going to help anyone lose weight, and they aren't magic, but they do a good job of toning and tightening up any areas that need a little extra help. So far I'm really happy with my results and it's just pushing me to work even harder in the gym. I can't to see how I look this time next year.
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| The left is before any wraps. The top right is after 2, and the bottom is after 3. |
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| The top is before, the bottom is after 3 wraps. |
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