How to date as a single mom

One of the hardest things about being a single parent is trying to have a life. Whether that's just a social life or a romantic one. I am lucky in that my co-parenting schedule has allowed me to keep my social life (and dating) separate from my daughter.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect, or that the way Joey and I do things are how everyone else should do them, but I will say that I'm proud of what we have done over the past six months and how we both handle our relationship.

I hate seeing my friends with children dating multiple guys, bringing every one of those guys around their children, and even allowing their kids to call the guys "dad" after just a couple of months. I'm not saying that they are wrong, just that I don't believe in it. And of course, I only say that because I made that mistake once. Sophie was a baby at the time but we ended up dating long enough that she still remembers the break up. Not good. Not that I blame any girls out there for dating around, we all know how hard dating can be. But not every guy that makes it through the few first dates needs to come home and meet the little.

Joey and I waited until we were together for 3 or 4 months before he met Sophie, and then we had a "date night" every two weeks where we all hung out. Now the schedule is basically nonexistent. Sometimes it's every week, sometimes every two weeks. Sometimes we spend most of an entire weekend together. It all just depends. So far it's gone really well. Maybe too well. Sophie cries for him some evenings and wants to go to his house but I think it's important that we each have our own spaces still. We plan on waiting at least 6 more months to move into together. Possibly a year. I don't plan on having a strict time table for our relationship. I'm just proud that we are taking things slow.

One of our special "dates", during the be a tourist 2014 event

We aren't doing this because things aren't going well. They're actually going very well, so we see no need to rush things. I wish I had somebody telling me this things a few years ago, so hopefully my other single moms will take this to heart. You might think that it doesn't matter because your child won't remember but I'm here to tell you that they will.

You shouldn't approach a relationship with the mindset that the guy is dating you and needs to see your motherly side right away. He needs to see who you are as a PERSON not just a parent. He'll get to see that plenty on down the road. I can't say how many time outs and difficult nap times Joey has already endured. Let him see the real you before he sees the frazzled, frustrated, sticky mess you become around your child/ren. If he's the right guy, he'll love you both ways, and your little one too.

Life Update

I just wanted to update everyone on a few things going on for Sophie and I.

Home life: We're still living with the besty and his lady. Things are going well. I can tell Sophie misses having her own space and having to be a LOT more subdued because I don't want her driving everyone nuts (I'm not sure Wes and Lindsey have developed the tuning her out super power that I have). Overall it's nice though. We have a nice place and good friends. Hopefully in the next few months we will be able to find something for ourselves.

School: I'm on week three at my new school and classes are going well. I definitely have to study MUCH more than I did that last few years but I am taking core classes now instead of stupid gen ed classes that don't require much brain power. I thank my lucky stars every single day for my job and being able to study there. That, and having a boyfriend that is willing and interested to help me study.

Sophie's attitude: I quickly decided against the two week grounding after one of my favorite moms pointed out that I was setting up Sophie for failure. I think at this point she's pushing her boundaries with me and her stepmother has reported negative behavior at their place as well. I've decided that I'm just not going to acknowledge her whatsoever when she decides to throw a tantrum or to be rude. I'm still implementing the "yes ma'am' rule. She has gotten into the bad habit of back talking when I tell her to do something but she's quickly learning that when mommy says "jump" all she needs to say is "how high?". I hate to be so strict as fair as that goes but it worked for me when I had a raging temper and it seems to be working for her as well.

Me being partially crippled: I did a blog a few months ago about my back issues and anyone that knows me knows my back hurts just about 24/7. I went to a chiropractor yesterday and discovered a moderate curve in my spine and some pretty messed up sacral/illiac joints.Basically where my spine joins my pelvis is jacked up. I go back tomorrow for an adjustment. I know it won't get better right away but I'm hoping for some improvement as it's been severely limiting my activity and it hurts like hell.

That's all I can think of right now besides the fact that The Walking Dead starts this weekend. It's my favorite time of year because every Sunday we gather at Jenn's house for TWD nights. Before the show comes on we have dinner and dessert and play with the kids. Then the twins and Sophie enjoy bath time and we usually do a couple books before bed. Once the kids are asleep we turn on the show and I cover my eyes for most of it. It's my favorite day of the week because I get to watch one of my favorite shows with a group of my favorite friends and kiddos.

Parenting Fail, Part One

I'm pretty sure I've failed at being a good mom. I've always considered myself a decent parent. I try to take Sophie places, I'm fun yet firm, I only lose my temper and fall to the ground screaming every couple of weeks or so...

But somehow, my daughter has turned into a screaming, temper tantrum throwing, stubborn, ungrateful brat.
Yes. I just called my daughter a brat.

She's done a complete 360 from the Sophie I'm used to. She straight up tells me no, she throws a fit over everything, and she doesn't listen. When I try to do things for her, they're never good enough. For example, Joey and I took her to Headwaters park to play in the fountain before dinner one weekend. She played and played until she was soaked to the bone and freezing cold. Before we got there she had been asking for dinner so I told her it was time to dry off and head for some food. She immediately started fake crying, loudly yelling, and saying "I NEVER get to play in the fountain! Everyone else gets to play but me!" Joey looked around, looked at her, and said "No one else is here... You're the only kid that got to play in the fountain." It was true, too. There was a walk for Alzheimer's that was going past the fountain and few people quickly ran through but no kids got to stop and play. But did Sophie care? Nope. Logic was not for her in that moment. We were evil and never let her do anything. How dare we?

Needless to say, I have grounded my three year old. I'm not sure how effective it will be, but time out sure isn't cutting it these days. I'm making her a chart with stickers and everything, and she has to go 14 straight days (at my house, not including the days she is gone with her dad) without throwing a fit or saying no or just straight up being a grump. I have also instilled the "yes ma'am" rule that I was made to follow as a teenager. She has no toys, and I've even had to threaten to put her dollhouse in storage (I took the furniture and dolls away, but she still has the dollhouse set up). All she's allowed for the next two weeks are books, coloring/activity books, and music. If she messes up, she starts back at day one.

This might sound hardcore, but I refused to have a spoiled child. I'll check back in once she makes it to two weeks and see how it goes. So far I think she has finally realized how serious I am. We've made it two days and although there were some close calls, she's getting there.