Help, I'm addicted to makeup

Anyone that really knows me knows that I have a serious makeup addiction. Example: when my son was born last August I stopped and put on some makeup once I realized I was in labor. I did this for two reasons. The first being that I knew I had a LONG time before that baby was going anywhere and second that I like to feel good about myself. Silly, I know. I don't do it for anyone but me so I think that makes it okay. "Beating my face" gives me the confidence to do what I need to do.

The next day I had to wait to go visit Asher in the NICU (to make sure my fever was gone) so I decided that I would do my makeup again. Yes, I brought my whole kit. My mother-in-law walked into our maternity suite to see me in my bed and makeup spread everywhere. She laughed and said that she was not at all surprised.

I don't like to spend money on myself but there are two things I'll pay good money for: tattoos and eyeshadow. I like higher-end eyeshadows because they are worth every penny and that's the thing I use the most so I need to get my money's worth. Anyone that has tried to blend a smokey eye with a powdery, barely-pigmented eyeshadow probably feels my pain. Everything else I tend to buy on the cheap. Lipstick is usually Maybelline because their matte line is AMAZING. Primers, setting sprays, and eyeliner are usually from E.L.F. I looove E.L.F. because their products are CRAZY cheap and very good quality. Plus, they are cruelty-free which is a huge plus.

I just wanted to share one of my new favorite brands with you guys. I found them on Instagram and I could have spent hours watching their videos. They have so many gorgeous eyeshadows and lipsticks but one of the things that they do best are glitter and highlighter. Highlight is my true love. When I go outside, I want to blind someone. Sadly, good highlighters can be pretty pricey. However, last year I stepped into an Ulta (big mistake) and saw that they were having a sale on a brand called Makeup Revolution. Of course I had to scoop about three different highlights into my basket and OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. For just $7 I had the most beautiful highlighter I have ever seen, and that includes my ABH Glow Kit! Just to clarify, they have a baked line but their strobe highlights are amazing. Northern lights is my absolute favorite. It's a duo chrome in green/purple and the shine is BLINDING.

Okay, so ignore how absolutely beat this looks and just check out that shine. *swoon* I just wanted to share this with you guys! Let me know if you've tried any Makeup Revolution products! 

A day in the life: Chronic Illness Edition

 I started this post 3 months ago when I was still struggling to balance work/school/children/home/marriage but as most of you things have gone downhill since then. It was a full schedule packed from 7:00 in the morning to past 10:00 at night. Now? Not so much. I don't love being on the go at all times but I did love that I had goals and I was absolutely killing it as a mother, student, and employee.

 I really wanted to share this because I feel that some people don't realize how much my life has been affected by my illness. I feel as if I'm not being heard by my numerous health care providers so here I am-- shouting into the void of the internet in the hopes that someone will read this and either understand or maybe learn something.

 1 in 10 women have Endometriosis. Most of these women are sick for several years before they are diagnosed. I won't speak for everyone but in my experience, most doctors like to say that I just have acute PMS symptoms and it's totally normal. To these doctors I would like to ask: Is it normal for a 26 year old woman to not be able to walk for more than 5 minutes before experiencing pain? Is it normal to hurt so badly every single day that eating is a struggle (because I'm too busy getting sick)?Is it normal to experience acute blood loss for 5 weeks straight? I had so much blood loss in the months after my son was born that I was told if I bled for an hour more I would have needed to receive blood. Did they act like that was an issue or even KIND OF a big deal? If you guessed "Nope" then you win a prize.  How about the fact that I can barely hold my 4 month old baby? My son that loves to be rocked to sleep... I can't do that. Ask my husband. Don't even get me started on what this has done to my  marriage. Not that Joey isn't an amazing, supportive angel (as always), but there are many things we can't do anymore. We plan our outings around how long I think I can manage before I run home to lay on my heating pad.  I have basically bailed on anything social for a while now. The worst part of it all is that NO. ONE. CARES. I don't mean no one as in whoever is reading this. I mean no one like my OB. My primary care provider. My therapist. The specialists I have reached out to. I either get no answer at all or a pat on the back and a condescending smile. Even though I've been a patient for four years now at OB/GYN, they acted like I was a drug addict when I finally asked for pain medication to help me cope. I've been asking for a solution rather than something to treat the symptoms since day one but I think we all know I was playing the four-year long con in order to get drugs, right?

So now my day in the life looks like this:
Take care of the baby, cry, sleep, clean, cry some more, try to play with my children, cook dinner, wait till the kids go to bed, and then sit on the couch with Joey and CRY.

Every single day, all day I am experiencing a pain level similar to what I felt in the early stages of labor--between "maybe we should go to the hospital" and "GIVE ME THE EPIDURAL".
I have tried yoga, meditation, heating pads, exercise, begging for surgery, literally crying in my doctor's office and telling him that I am most definitely NOT OKAY and so far I have gotten zero help.

I had to take my health into my own hands and leave my position at the library so that I could try and minimize my pain due to the high activity level of my job. I only worked part-time and even that was too much. I can't begin to explain how much it broke my heart. I know a lot of women would be over the moon to be able to stay home with their children but I am very passionate about my library, my programs, and the teens I worked with for almost two years. Not to mention my coworkers. I stopped in today to bring them donuts and  hugs and as soon as I walked through the doors I could feel the tears in my eyes. It was an exhausting job even when I was healthier but it was one that I was happy to go to every day.

Right now, my options are limited. I am taking 9 supplements a day in order to try and get through school now that it is back in session. I can't run. I can't play. I can't pick up my children. I can barely have sex with my husband. I want my life back.

If you know someone with endometriosis please, please do not think it is just like having a "bad period" because while PMS can definitely be debilitating and awful, I have never experienced anything like this and every single day I hope to see a light at the end of the tunnel.