Last semester I decided I was done with college. Working 40 hours a week plus going to college full time was killing me. I would leave home around 6 am and get home around 8 pm. I know tons of single moms do it but my issue was this: I only have Sophie 50% of the time. That means every other week I only see her on Wednesday and Thursday. She goes to bed around 9. That means every other week I only saw her for about 3 hours total. If I was lucky. I couldn't do it any more. Especially considering the only program I could find that I was interested in was a 5 year program. NOT counting the 2 years of stupid Gen Ed classes the community college I was attending was making me take.
So I decided to quit. I told my dad that I was done. Either I would wait to go back to college when I got married and didn't have to be the only working adult in my household, or I would just never go back. I would rather work a job that I hate than not see my daughter.
Except that I am miserably and utterly bored right now. I feel like I'm not doing anything with my life (because I'm not). As much as I love my dogs and my clients at work I want to feel like I'm DOING something. So with help from a friend and encouragement from my dad I found a 2 year program that will put my right into the field that I want. I really like the schedule my new school runs on too because rather than have 4 classes a semester they have 12 week "quarters" that focus on three classes at a time. The only thing that sucks is that class is once a week for four hours. But it kind of works out for my work schedule. I'll take what I can online and then for everything else I'll be struggling to stay awake for 4 hours :) My last quarter includes an intership at a local hospital and the school has a 100% employment rate for their Medical Assisting program so I'm pretty excited. Classes start next month. So basically me quitting college turned into me taking the summer off (which I always do anyway).
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Thursday, August 7, 2014
The extreme downside to Coparenting.
I'm going to talk about something that previously has only been discussed with my boyfriend and a couple close friends of mine. I don't know if any of my other friends that coparent or even have weekend visitations experience this but it's something I have been struggling with ever since I moved out on my own.
I feel like my daughter hates me most of the time. Now, I was ready to feel like this when she was a teenager because I remember how much I fought with my parents and yelled "I hate you" at both of them and was just generally a terrible hormonal mess. However, I wasn't prepared for my daughter screaming and yelling and running away at the sight of me every time I pick her up from the sitter when she's only two and three years old. She is currently being watched by her aunt during the day and every time I pick her up without fail she throws a fit and screams for her dad. I can see the tantrum start as soon if my car pulls in if they happen to be playing outside.
This makes me feel a variety of ways. One, it hurts. A lot. Two, I feel guilty. Obviously I'm doing something wrong so that she never wants to be with me as much as her dad. And three... I get pissed. I'm not going to lie. I get angry. I have sacrificed more than I can even say (as any mother should) for my family and it sometimes it makes me so angry that not only is it not appreciated but I'm greeted with screams and tears and "go away" every single day. I know it's not logical. I know it's not even very mature. But it's real and it's what I go through on the days that I have Sophie.
I'm not saying that the entire time we are together she cries and wants to leave because that's not the case. As soon as we get home she's just fine and all smiles and "I missed you's" and we're good to go. But you better believe she's going to ask me at least twice when she's going back to her dad's house. And you know what? I get it. I was a daddy's girl. Not only that but I mean who can really blame her? I have a tiny apartment, her dad has a house with a yard. At my place it's just me and her. At his place she has him, her stepmom, and her brothers that she adores. Not only that but I'm the "bad" parent that took her tv away and replaced it with trips to the park and the zoo, crafts, books, and play time. I feel like my love and attention from my daughter is based solely on what I can give her because let's face it. Toddlers are selfish and shallow. They're children. They don't know any better. All she knows is that I don't give her as much as her dad does and Mommy sure isn't scared to say no. That's what sucks about trying to be a good parent. You always risk making your kid mad. I don't really care because I would rather her be angry with me and still learn more and have more experiences than have her glued to the tv holding my hand.
I honestly don't even know how to end this blog because tomorrow it's going to be the same thing over again. I'm going to pick her up, she's going to throw a fit, and then I'm going to spend my entire weekend with her asking when she goes back to her dad's house.
Cheers, ya'll.
I feel like my daughter hates me most of the time. Now, I was ready to feel like this when she was a teenager because I remember how much I fought with my parents and yelled "I hate you" at both of them and was just generally a terrible hormonal mess. However, I wasn't prepared for my daughter screaming and yelling and running away at the sight of me every time I pick her up from the sitter when she's only two and three years old. She is currently being watched by her aunt during the day and every time I pick her up without fail she throws a fit and screams for her dad. I can see the tantrum start as soon if my car pulls in if they happen to be playing outside.
This makes me feel a variety of ways. One, it hurts. A lot. Two, I feel guilty. Obviously I'm doing something wrong so that she never wants to be with me as much as her dad. And three... I get pissed. I'm not going to lie. I get angry. I have sacrificed more than I can even say (as any mother should) for my family and it sometimes it makes me so angry that not only is it not appreciated but I'm greeted with screams and tears and "go away" every single day. I know it's not logical. I know it's not even very mature. But it's real and it's what I go through on the days that I have Sophie.
I'm not saying that the entire time we are together she cries and wants to leave because that's not the case. As soon as we get home she's just fine and all smiles and "I missed you's" and we're good to go. But you better believe she's going to ask me at least twice when she's going back to her dad's house. And you know what? I get it. I was a daddy's girl. Not only that but I mean who can really blame her? I have a tiny apartment, her dad has a house with a yard. At my place it's just me and her. At his place she has him, her stepmom, and her brothers that she adores. Not only that but I'm the "bad" parent that took her tv away and replaced it with trips to the park and the zoo, crafts, books, and play time. I feel like my love and attention from my daughter is based solely on what I can give her because let's face it. Toddlers are selfish and shallow. They're children. They don't know any better. All she knows is that I don't give her as much as her dad does and Mommy sure isn't scared to say no. That's what sucks about trying to be a good parent. You always risk making your kid mad. I don't really care because I would rather her be angry with me and still learn more and have more experiences than have her glued to the tv holding my hand.
I honestly don't even know how to end this blog because tomorrow it's going to be the same thing over again. I'm going to pick her up, she's going to throw a fit, and then I'm going to spend my entire weekend with her asking when she goes back to her dad's house.
Cheers, ya'll.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Weekend/Life Update
First of all, my weekend was pretty amazing. Sophie was at her dad's and Joey surprised me with a trip to Cedar Point. I haven't been since I was 15 and after buying a ticket for Riot Fest in September I just decided I was going to wait until next summer to go. The day started out with a pretty serious thunderstorm but thankfully it slowed to a drizzle by the time we arrived and the sun came out after a couple hours. The weather was perfect, the lines weren't insanely long, and I ran into a couple of my friends from high school in West Virginia. OH. And someone gave us their fast passes in the evening. That was sweet.
Sophie's Stepmom and I got her signed up for dance class. That starts in September. After we went to the studio's open house and got her registered my car decided to die. I had issues with it Sunday and even had to call into work for Monday but after replacing the battery I thought it was fixed. NOPE. Now I'm driving a Cadillac until it gets fixed. I actually kind of love it....
I didn't get the job at the zoo but I'm not even slightly upset because they only pay minimum wage and ain't nobody got time fo dat. I keep telling myself I need to find a "real" job but I think for now I'm going to stay at the daycare. I love my boss (and her babies), I love my coworkers, and I love the dogs. Sometimes I want to cry or rip my hair out but I guess that's any job. Plus I make more money cleaning dog poop and taking naps than I would be making at any of the jobs I've applied to so far.
Sophie and I start house sitting for Jenn on Friday so this weekend should be fun. I totally plan on taking advantage of her lovely fenced in yard and proximity to the Jorgensen YMCA and their awesome playground. I also start cat sitting for my friend/tattoo artist. His cat is hairless. I'm pretty excited to hang out with a hairless cat.
Towards the end of the month we will be moving in with Wes and Lindsey. I can't wait. I'm not saying I hate living in my tiny upstairs apartment but... I do. SORRY LYNN! Wes has a fenced in yard too. Yay! Hopefully it will only be for a few months, then Sophie and I can find a house of our own. The hard part is finding somewhere that allows dogs. I think since Rose ended up being so little she's just going to be a lab from now on :D
Sophie's Stepmom and I got her signed up for dance class. That starts in September. After we went to the studio's open house and got her registered my car decided to die. I had issues with it Sunday and even had to call into work for Monday but after replacing the battery I thought it was fixed. NOPE. Now I'm driving a Cadillac until it gets fixed. I actually kind of love it....
I didn't get the job at the zoo but I'm not even slightly upset because they only pay minimum wage and ain't nobody got time fo dat. I keep telling myself I need to find a "real" job but I think for now I'm going to stay at the daycare. I love my boss (and her babies), I love my coworkers, and I love the dogs. Sometimes I want to cry or rip my hair out but I guess that's any job. Plus I make more money cleaning dog poop and taking naps than I would be making at any of the jobs I've applied to so far.
Sophie and I start house sitting for Jenn on Friday so this weekend should be fun. I totally plan on taking advantage of her lovely fenced in yard and proximity to the Jorgensen YMCA and their awesome playground. I also start cat sitting for my friend/tattoo artist. His cat is hairless. I'm pretty excited to hang out with a hairless cat.
Towards the end of the month we will be moving in with Wes and Lindsey. I can't wait. I'm not saying I hate living in my tiny upstairs apartment but... I do. SORRY LYNN! Wes has a fenced in yard too. Yay! Hopefully it will only be for a few months, then Sophie and I can find a house of our own. The hard part is finding somewhere that allows dogs. I think since Rose ended up being so little she's just going to be a lab from now on :D
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