That's probably a pretty inappropriate title for a blog that's supposed to be dedicated to parenting and my adventures in singlemomhood but I'm very excited to be back after a whole month. I finally have internet again! To those of you that don't know, I moved. Yes, again. I won't be moving again for a while. We live in a real house now! A HOUSE. I'm so excited. I love it. The living arrangements we had weren't working out very much. I will never share a room with Sophie ever again. Rose was miserable too. It sucks, because I miss Wes and Lindsey. However, my best friend of 17 years finally moved here and now we live together. And work together. But that's another story.
I have so much to talk about I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll start with my job and discuss the rest in another post. I got a new job! A grownup job where I can't nap and watch Netflix. (sad face). I'm working at a pain management clinic now. I started at the front desk and now I'm working in the back prepping charts and such. I'm so glad they moved me because for the first three weeks of my job I was sobbing hysterically the whole way home. If you don't believe me, ask Joey. It was awful for many reasons. The main being that my new coworker and I were given a workload that we couldn't possibly finish each day. And although we were told "Hey, I know this is impossible but you should still try" by the staff we still got reprimanded for not finishing.
On top of that, the patients that we deal with are... different. They are either genuinely in pain or just looking to score some pills. Whichever it may be, there are a lot of grumpy patients to be had. I've been screamed at, cussed out, threatened, spit at, and all kinds of things. I have seen grown adults sigh, roll their eyes, and cuss at me for the smallest things such as asking to see their ID. I like helping the people that really need it (and you can tell who they are) because they are genuinely grateful to be there and are the sweetest people. I was brought to tears by a woman who had been beaten by her husband and broke down and told me what happened. After she described it she asked me "Do you think I'm ugly? Do you think anyone could love me?" It killed me.
Now, I'm stuck in a back room with just me and some charts and some music. I definitely like that much better. I can't wait to finish school and start being able to really help patients rather than just checking them in.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Thursday, November 6, 2014
This is going to be difficult...
Normally I blog, not to complain, but to share my problems and difficulties with other moms out there so that they can relate or even give me some solid (and much needed) advice. Today I'm going to write about something, and I honestly don't know if anyone of my other moms out there are going to relate to this. I'm sure most of you might shake your heads at me. Regardless, I'm going to share it, and anyone who reads this is welcome to give me their input.
Today, we're going to talk about religion.
I've been an atheist since I was a child. The idea of God just never rang true to me. I would be in church thinking "Really?" When I was about 17 I moved in with my aunt and was forced to go to a hardcore Southern Baptist church at least three times a week. At that point I decided to "try harder" with religion. I prayed all the time, read the bible several times over, was involved in several youth and bible study groups... Still nothing. Although I loved all the people I went to church with, I still wasn't in love with the church itself. Or its values. I've never looked down on anyone that was religious, it's just not for me.
Now, on to Sophie. She's been going to church with her dad's side of the family for a while now. And that's fine with me. I want her to grow up how I did. I want her exposed to religion and I want her to make her own educated decision without me forcing my opinion on her. I plan on doing so by educating her on the science side of the world and I guess her dad's side can take care of the religion part. I don't plan on telling her my exact feelings on the subject until she is much, much older because I don't want to influence her so young.
However my problem occurs when she asks me things like "Are angels real?" "Are you going to heaven when you die?" "Will I go to heaven?" I'm assuming they are discussing what happens after a person dies in church because yesterday she went so far to ask "What if I died right now?" What am I supposed to tell her? "Well, I personally think nothing would happen but according to your dad's religion you wouldn't be going to heaven because you're not baptized." UGH! I don't want to be talking about these things right now. So far all I've told her is that she should ask her pastor at church. My biggest struggle when she asked me why God made the earth and all the people. It's very hard for me to not to say "He didn't". I'm not even sure if I should try to explain evolution to her, or what. The Catholic faith is embracing it, so she should be able to as well, right?
Anyway, if anyone has an opinion or advice on this, I'd love to hear it. Whether you're a parent or not. This mom just needs some help.
Today, we're going to talk about religion.
I've been an atheist since I was a child. The idea of God just never rang true to me. I would be in church thinking "Really?" When I was about 17 I moved in with my aunt and was forced to go to a hardcore Southern Baptist church at least three times a week. At that point I decided to "try harder" with religion. I prayed all the time, read the bible several times over, was involved in several youth and bible study groups... Still nothing. Although I loved all the people I went to church with, I still wasn't in love with the church itself. Or its values. I've never looked down on anyone that was religious, it's just not for me.
Now, on to Sophie. She's been going to church with her dad's side of the family for a while now. And that's fine with me. I want her to grow up how I did. I want her exposed to religion and I want her to make her own educated decision without me forcing my opinion on her. I plan on doing so by educating her on the science side of the world and I guess her dad's side can take care of the religion part. I don't plan on telling her my exact feelings on the subject until she is much, much older because I don't want to influence her so young.
However my problem occurs when she asks me things like "Are angels real?" "Are you going to heaven when you die?" "Will I go to heaven?" I'm assuming they are discussing what happens after a person dies in church because yesterday she went so far to ask "What if I died right now?" What am I supposed to tell her? "Well, I personally think nothing would happen but according to your dad's religion you wouldn't be going to heaven because you're not baptized." UGH! I don't want to be talking about these things right now. So far all I've told her is that she should ask her pastor at church. My biggest struggle when she asked me why God made the earth and all the people. It's very hard for me to not to say "He didn't". I'm not even sure if I should try to explain evolution to her, or what. The Catholic faith is embracing it, so she should be able to as well, right?
Anyway, if anyone has an opinion or advice on this, I'd love to hear it. Whether you're a parent or not. This mom just needs some help.
Friday, October 31, 2014
How to date as a single mom
One of the hardest things about being a single parent is trying to have a life. Whether that's just a social life or a romantic one. I am lucky in that my co-parenting schedule has allowed me to keep my social life (and dating) separate from my daughter.
I'm not saying that I'm perfect, or that the way Joey and I do things are how everyone else should do them, but I will say that I'm proud of what we have done over the past six months and how we both handle our relationship.
I hate seeing my friends with children dating multiple guys, bringing every one of those guys around their children, and even allowing their kids to call the guys "dad" after just a couple of months. I'm not saying that they are wrong, just that I don't believe in it. And of course, I only say that because I made that mistake once. Sophie was a baby at the time but we ended up dating long enough that she still remembers the break up. Not good. Not that I blame any girls out there for dating around, we all know how hard dating can be. But not every guy that makes it through the few first dates needs to come home and meet the little.
Joey and I waited until we were together for 3 or 4 months before he met Sophie, and then we had a "date night" every two weeks where we all hung out. Now the schedule is basically nonexistent. Sometimes it's every week, sometimes every two weeks. Sometimes we spend most of an entire weekend together. It all just depends. So far it's gone really well. Maybe too well. Sophie cries for him some evenings and wants to go to his house but I think it's important that we each have our own spaces still. We plan on waiting at least 6 more months to move into together. Possibly a year. I don't plan on having a strict time table for our relationship. I'm just proud that we are taking things slow.
We aren't doing this because things aren't going well. They're actually going very well, so we see no need to rush things. I wish I had somebody telling me this things a few years ago, so hopefully my other single moms will take this to heart. You might think that it doesn't matter because your child won't remember but I'm here to tell you that they will.
You shouldn't approach a relationship with the mindset that the guy is dating you and needs to see your motherly side right away. He needs to see who you are as a PERSON not just a parent. He'll get to see that plenty on down the road. I can't say how many time outs and difficult nap times Joey has already endured. Let him see the real you before he sees the frazzled, frustrated, sticky mess you become around your child/ren. If he's the right guy, he'll love you both ways, and your little one too.
I'm not saying that I'm perfect, or that the way Joey and I do things are how everyone else should do them, but I will say that I'm proud of what we have done over the past six months and how we both handle our relationship.
I hate seeing my friends with children dating multiple guys, bringing every one of those guys around their children, and even allowing their kids to call the guys "dad" after just a couple of months. I'm not saying that they are wrong, just that I don't believe in it. And of course, I only say that because I made that mistake once. Sophie was a baby at the time but we ended up dating long enough that she still remembers the break up. Not good. Not that I blame any girls out there for dating around, we all know how hard dating can be. But not every guy that makes it through the few first dates needs to come home and meet the little.
Joey and I waited until we were together for 3 or 4 months before he met Sophie, and then we had a "date night" every two weeks where we all hung out. Now the schedule is basically nonexistent. Sometimes it's every week, sometimes every two weeks. Sometimes we spend most of an entire weekend together. It all just depends. So far it's gone really well. Maybe too well. Sophie cries for him some evenings and wants to go to his house but I think it's important that we each have our own spaces still. We plan on waiting at least 6 more months to move into together. Possibly a year. I don't plan on having a strict time table for our relationship. I'm just proud that we are taking things slow.
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| One of our special "dates", during the be a tourist 2014 event |
We aren't doing this because things aren't going well. They're actually going very well, so we see no need to rush things. I wish I had somebody telling me this things a few years ago, so hopefully my other single moms will take this to heart. You might think that it doesn't matter because your child won't remember but I'm here to tell you that they will.
You shouldn't approach a relationship with the mindset that the guy is dating you and needs to see your motherly side right away. He needs to see who you are as a PERSON not just a parent. He'll get to see that plenty on down the road. I can't say how many time outs and difficult nap times Joey has already endured. Let him see the real you before he sees the frazzled, frustrated, sticky mess you become around your child/ren. If he's the right guy, he'll love you both ways, and your little one too.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Life Update
I just wanted to update everyone on a few things going on for Sophie and I.
Home life: We're still living with the besty and his lady. Things are going well. I can tell Sophie misses having her own space and having to be a LOT more subdued because I don't want her driving everyone nuts (I'm not sure Wes and Lindsey have developed the tuning her out super power that I have). Overall it's nice though. We have a nice place and good friends. Hopefully in the next few months we will be able to find something for ourselves.
School: I'm on week three at my new school and classes are going well. I definitely have to study MUCH more than I did that last few years but I am taking core classes now instead of stupid gen ed classes that don't require much brain power. I thank my lucky stars every single day for my job and being able to study there. That, and having a boyfriend that is willing and interested to help me study.
Sophie's attitude: I quickly decided against the two week grounding after one of my favorite moms pointed out that I was setting up Sophie for failure. I think at this point she's pushing her boundaries with me and her stepmother has reported negative behavior at their place as well. I've decided that I'm just not going to acknowledge her whatsoever when she decides to throw a tantrum or to be rude. I'm still implementing the "yes ma'am' rule. She has gotten into the bad habit of back talking when I tell her to do something but she's quickly learning that when mommy says "jump" all she needs to say is "how high?". I hate to be so strict as fair as that goes but it worked for me when I had a raging temper and it seems to be working for her as well.
Me being partially crippled: I did a blog a few months ago about my back issues and anyone that knows me knows my back hurts just about 24/7. I went to a chiropractor yesterday and discovered a moderate curve in my spine and some pretty messed up sacral/illiac joints.Basically where my spine joins my pelvis is jacked up. I go back tomorrow for an adjustment. I know it won't get better right away but I'm hoping for some improvement as it's been severely limiting my activity and it hurts like hell.
That's all I can think of right now besides the fact that The Walking Dead starts this weekend. It's my favorite time of year because every Sunday we gather at Jenn's house for TWD nights. Before the show comes on we have dinner and dessert and play with the kids. Then the twins and Sophie enjoy bath time and we usually do a couple books before bed. Once the kids are asleep we turn on the show and I cover my eyes for most of it. It's my favorite day of the week because I get to watch one of my favorite shows with a group of my favorite friends and kiddos.
Home life: We're still living with the besty and his lady. Things are going well. I can tell Sophie misses having her own space and having to be a LOT more subdued because I don't want her driving everyone nuts (I'm not sure Wes and Lindsey have developed the tuning her out super power that I have). Overall it's nice though. We have a nice place and good friends. Hopefully in the next few months we will be able to find something for ourselves.
School: I'm on week three at my new school and classes are going well. I definitely have to study MUCH more than I did that last few years but I am taking core classes now instead of stupid gen ed classes that don't require much brain power. I thank my lucky stars every single day for my job and being able to study there. That, and having a boyfriend that is willing and interested to help me study.
Sophie's attitude: I quickly decided against the two week grounding after one of my favorite moms pointed out that I was setting up Sophie for failure. I think at this point she's pushing her boundaries with me and her stepmother has reported negative behavior at their place as well. I've decided that I'm just not going to acknowledge her whatsoever when she decides to throw a tantrum or to be rude. I'm still implementing the "yes ma'am' rule. She has gotten into the bad habit of back talking when I tell her to do something but she's quickly learning that when mommy says "jump" all she needs to say is "how high?". I hate to be so strict as fair as that goes but it worked for me when I had a raging temper and it seems to be working for her as well.
Me being partially crippled: I did a blog a few months ago about my back issues and anyone that knows me knows my back hurts just about 24/7. I went to a chiropractor yesterday and discovered a moderate curve in my spine and some pretty messed up sacral/illiac joints.Basically where my spine joins my pelvis is jacked up. I go back tomorrow for an adjustment. I know it won't get better right away but I'm hoping for some improvement as it's been severely limiting my activity and it hurts like hell.
That's all I can think of right now besides the fact that The Walking Dead starts this weekend. It's my favorite time of year because every Sunday we gather at Jenn's house for TWD nights. Before the show comes on we have dinner and dessert and play with the kids. Then the twins and Sophie enjoy bath time and we usually do a couple books before bed. Once the kids are asleep we turn on the show and I cover my eyes for most of it. It's my favorite day of the week because I get to watch one of my favorite shows with a group of my favorite friends and kiddos.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Parenting Fail, Part One
I'm pretty sure I've failed at being a good mom. I've always considered myself a decent parent. I try to take Sophie places, I'm fun yet firm, I only lose my temper and fall to the ground screaming every couple of weeks or so...
But somehow, my daughter has turned into a screaming, temper tantrum throwing, stubborn, ungrateful brat.
Yes. I just called my daughter a brat.
She's done a complete 360 from the Sophie I'm used to. She straight up tells me no, she throws a fit over everything, and she doesn't listen. When I try to do things for her, they're never good enough. For example, Joey and I took her to Headwaters park to play in the fountain before dinner one weekend. She played and played until she was soaked to the bone and freezing cold. Before we got there she had been asking for dinner so I told her it was time to dry off and head for some food. She immediately started fake crying, loudly yelling, and saying "I NEVER get to play in the fountain! Everyone else gets to play but me!" Joey looked around, looked at her, and said "No one else is here... You're the only kid that got to play in the fountain." It was true, too. There was a walk for Alzheimer's that was going past the fountain and few people quickly ran through but no kids got to stop and play. But did Sophie care? Nope. Logic was not for her in that moment. We were evil and never let her do anything. How dare we?
Needless to say, I have grounded my three year old. I'm not sure how effective it will be, but time out sure isn't cutting it these days. I'm making her a chart with stickers and everything, and she has to go 14 straight days (at my house, not including the days she is gone with her dad) without throwing a fit or saying no or just straight up being a grump. I have also instilled the "yes ma'am" rule that I was made to follow as a teenager. She has no toys, and I've even had to threaten to put her dollhouse in storage (I took the furniture and dolls away, but she still has the dollhouse set up). All she's allowed for the next two weeks are books, coloring/activity books, and music. If she messes up, she starts back at day one.
This might sound hardcore, but I refused to have a spoiled child. I'll check back in once she makes it to two weeks and see how it goes. So far I think she has finally realized how serious I am. We've made it two days and although there were some close calls, she's getting there.
But somehow, my daughter has turned into a screaming, temper tantrum throwing, stubborn, ungrateful brat.
Yes. I just called my daughter a brat.
She's done a complete 360 from the Sophie I'm used to. She straight up tells me no, she throws a fit over everything, and she doesn't listen. When I try to do things for her, they're never good enough. For example, Joey and I took her to Headwaters park to play in the fountain before dinner one weekend. She played and played until she was soaked to the bone and freezing cold. Before we got there she had been asking for dinner so I told her it was time to dry off and head for some food. She immediately started fake crying, loudly yelling, and saying "I NEVER get to play in the fountain! Everyone else gets to play but me!" Joey looked around, looked at her, and said "No one else is here... You're the only kid that got to play in the fountain." It was true, too. There was a walk for Alzheimer's that was going past the fountain and few people quickly ran through but no kids got to stop and play. But did Sophie care? Nope. Logic was not for her in that moment. We were evil and never let her do anything. How dare we?
Needless to say, I have grounded my three year old. I'm not sure how effective it will be, but time out sure isn't cutting it these days. I'm making her a chart with stickers and everything, and she has to go 14 straight days (at my house, not including the days she is gone with her dad) without throwing a fit or saying no or just straight up being a grump. I have also instilled the "yes ma'am" rule that I was made to follow as a teenager. She has no toys, and I've even had to threaten to put her dollhouse in storage (I took the furniture and dolls away, but she still has the dollhouse set up). All she's allowed for the next two weeks are books, coloring/activity books, and music. If she messes up, she starts back at day one.
This might sound hardcore, but I refused to have a spoiled child. I'll check back in once she makes it to two weeks and see how it goes. So far I think she has finally realized how serious I am. We've made it two days and although there were some close calls, she's getting there.
Monday, September 15, 2014
What I learned at RiotFest
Yet another non-parenting related blog post for my "parenting blog"...
Joey and I spent the weekend in Chicago for Riotfest. It was amazing. I haven't been to many concerts in my life let alone a three day music festival packed with some of my all time favorite bands. Some of the highlights for my weekend included Motion City Soundtrack, Taking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional, New Found Glory, and seeing a few new bands that I am now in love with including The Mighty Mighty Bosstones and City and Colour.
I learned a few new things this weekend, some about myself and some about my wonderful boyfriend. I've always heard that you learn about your significant other while traveling and I definitely did this weekend. I mostly learned a few new reasons why I love him. The main one being that when he gets frustrated he never lashes out on me but just apologizes for being stressed. At one point we were lost in an extremely terrifying part of Chicago late at night and while I was totally oblivious just trudging around hoping to find the bus soon, Joey was well aware of our situation and was silently freaking out. To clue you in on how bad the neighborhood was, a couple of our friends were also lost there and a cop stopped them and asked them if they knew where they were, telling them to head east and hop on a bus right away.
That might sound like a stupid reason to fall in love with your S.O. all over again but it just reminds me why I love having him around. Sometimes I forget that I'm only 23 (although I'm sure that he doesn't) and I'm much more impatient and high strung when I get stressed. For example, Thursday night I got so freaked out by the fact that a spider was in my car that I snapped at him for no reason when he asked me a simple question. I realized immediately that I was being an idiot and apologized because he had done nothing wrong, but right then I was thankful for the effect he's been having on me. He's much more calm and mature when it comes to things like that and it makes me stop and think about how I'm acting. The whole redhead temper stereotype exists for a reason and I for one and not happy about it. It's something I'll probably be working on my whole life.
I also appreciated how much he tried to take care of me this weekend. Bone spurs in my hip and severe muscle spasms led to a lot of intense pain after walking/standing all weekend. He was constantly rubbing my back while we were standing around waiting for bands to start, asking me if I took my meds, and even skipped out on some plans to take me back to the hotel so that I could rest/soak in a hot bath. He was so sweet and so concerned the entire time. It really meant a lot considering that most people would probably have been irritated or felt held back. I get so frustrated with my back/hip problems because I hate that at 23 years old I can't do things that I want to. I feel like I shouldn't be having these issues at my age but I do, and he is always there for me through it.
The last couple of things that I learned this weekend were that I would never want to live in a big city (I thought Charlotte was big but I was sadly mistaken) and that the manager of The Mighty Mighty Bosstones is my new hero. He manages this band and every show he dresses up with them, goes out on stage, and dances and jumps around the entire time with the biggest smile on his face. You can tell he really loves the music (and who doesn't love some good ska?) and he has no cares about jumping around on stage acting a fool and having a good time. It made my day watching him.
Joey and I spent the weekend in Chicago for Riotfest. It was amazing. I haven't been to many concerts in my life let alone a three day music festival packed with some of my all time favorite bands. Some of the highlights for my weekend included Motion City Soundtrack, Taking Back Sunday, Dashboard Confessional, New Found Glory, and seeing a few new bands that I am now in love with including The Mighty Mighty Bosstones and City and Colour.
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| Motion City Soundtrack. This was probably the highlight of my whole weekend. |
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| GWAR. Scary metal band that sprays blood at you. I never thought I would get fake blood sprayed at me during a concert, and I definitely never thought it would come out of a fake set of boobs. |
I learned a few new things this weekend, some about myself and some about my wonderful boyfriend. I've always heard that you learn about your significant other while traveling and I definitely did this weekend. I mostly learned a few new reasons why I love him. The main one being that when he gets frustrated he never lashes out on me but just apologizes for being stressed. At one point we were lost in an extremely terrifying part of Chicago late at night and while I was totally oblivious just trudging around hoping to find the bus soon, Joey was well aware of our situation and was silently freaking out. To clue you in on how bad the neighborhood was, a couple of our friends were also lost there and a cop stopped them and asked them if they knew where they were, telling them to head east and hop on a bus right away.
That might sound like a stupid reason to fall in love with your S.O. all over again but it just reminds me why I love having him around. Sometimes I forget that I'm only 23 (although I'm sure that he doesn't) and I'm much more impatient and high strung when I get stressed. For example, Thursday night I got so freaked out by the fact that a spider was in my car that I snapped at him for no reason when he asked me a simple question. I realized immediately that I was being an idiot and apologized because he had done nothing wrong, but right then I was thankful for the effect he's been having on me. He's much more calm and mature when it comes to things like that and it makes me stop and think about how I'm acting. The whole redhead temper stereotype exists for a reason and I for one and not happy about it. It's something I'll probably be working on my whole life.
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| It rained all day Friday -_- |
The last couple of things that I learned this weekend were that I would never want to live in a big city (I thought Charlotte was big but I was sadly mistaken) and that the manager of The Mighty Mighty Bosstones is my new hero. He manages this band and every show he dresses up with them, goes out on stage, and dances and jumps around the entire time with the biggest smile on his face. You can tell he really loves the music (and who doesn't love some good ska?) and he has no cares about jumping around on stage acting a fool and having a good time. It made my day watching him.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Losing my mommy body...
I'm starting to question whether after 4 years I can really be blaming my physique on having a child considering the fact that I've never had a truly "flat" stomach. Ever since I was about 16 years old I have been about 145 lbs and in size 7 jeans. Even after I had Sophie I bounced back pretty quickly to my pre baby weight but I think all moms can verify that my body never looked the same. I've been struggling to lose what I call "the mom belly" for the last four years and no matter how much weight I lost it was always there. I even went so far as to start running 12-15 miles a week and got down to a size 5. Still no dice. The tummy was there.
Lately I've been working out with a friend every morning before work. We do cardio of course but we also do a lot of weight training. I found out the hard way that I've been doing squats wrong my whole life, but thanks to a slightly colorful phrase that my workout buddy employs, I can now do them in correct form and have started squatting more than just the bar! :D
I also discovered these body wrap things on instagram. My best friend used them several years ago after her daughter was born and I remember getting all her before and after pictures thinking "that can't be real." I didn't want to waste my money on something that was only going to give me false hope so I never bothered to try them. I stumbled across a girl named Vanessa on IG that was a distributor and saw all her results. I started researching, reading people's reviews on all the products from the company that makes these wraps (IT works!). Everything I saw made me want to try them, so I started the treatments. So far I'm on wrap number 3 out of 4 that is supposed to complete 1 treatment. These body wraps aren't going to help anyone lose weight, and they aren't magic, but they do a good job of toning and tightening up any areas that need a little extra help. So far I'm really happy with my results and it's just pushing me to work even harder in the gym. I can't to see how I look this time next year.
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| The left is before any wraps. The top right is after 2, and the bottom is after 3. |
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| The top is before, the bottom is after 3 wraps. |
Monday, September 8, 2014
Weekend Update
Between work, friends, and "Be a Touris 2014" Sophie and I had a pretty crazy weekend. We started off with a trip to the daycare Saturday morning. That led to the gym, grocery store, back to the daycare, and then home for naps. After naps we made a quick stop back at work and then met up with our favorite kiddos Brooke and Harrison for dinner and a playdate. We didn't get to spend near enough time with them because of our schedule but we did enjoy a nice meal at Chipotle. Harrison tried to put the moves on Sophie when we were saying goodbye and she decided to run up and kiss him on the cheek again before we left. It was so cute! We went to Joey's house to hang out which led to a trip to the park and us deciding to sleep over. It was her first time staying at his place over night and it went pretty well. She was scared to sleep in the guest room alone but we left plenty of lights on and Joey told her that monsters are scared of cats so Carlos could protect her.
On Sunday we were even busier than before. Sophie was uncharacteristically grumpy all weekend, so it was a rough start. First work, then we went back to Joey's to get him out of bed and head to IHOP for some pancakes. Our first stop for BAT was Science Central. Sophie was not having any of it. She was so grumpy and just not amused with the fact that most of the things there were meant for older children (like the huge slide). There is a nice little play area for the younger kids, but the only part she cared about was the water table. There were so many other people there and she was so irritated that I just gave up and said it was time to go home for a nap. We laid her down to watch Wall-E and she was passed out within 20 minutes. Joey and I settled in to finish up the last two episodes of American Horror Story (He got me addicted and I watched two seasons in a week). Once she woke up it was time for the Art Museum and Botanical Gardens. She enjoyed both and seemed to be in a much better mood.
We did have a slight mishap at the Botanical Gardens because she tripped and slammed into one of the windows with the side of her head. I could tell it hurt her pretty bad and she has a slight knot over her ear now. To make her feel better we decided to go over to Headwaters Park. She was upset over the lack of playground, but we ended up running and splashing through the fountain. We finished off with dinner at Pint and Slice where she demolished a huge piece off pizza and a giant cookie.
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All in all it was a great weekend with some of our favorite people. I just want to send a special thanks to Joey who handled Sophie being a huge grump and me getting extremely frustrated like a total champ!
On Sunday we were even busier than before. Sophie was uncharacteristically grumpy all weekend, so it was a rough start. First work, then we went back to Joey's to get him out of bed and head to IHOP for some pancakes. Our first stop for BAT was Science Central. Sophie was not having any of it. She was so grumpy and just not amused with the fact that most of the things there were meant for older children (like the huge slide). There is a nice little play area for the younger kids, but the only part she cared about was the water table. There were so many other people there and she was so irritated that I just gave up and said it was time to go home for a nap. We laid her down to watch Wall-E and she was passed out within 20 minutes. Joey and I settled in to finish up the last two episodes of American Horror Story (He got me addicted and I watched two seasons in a week). Once she woke up it was time for the Art Museum and Botanical Gardens. She enjoyed both and seemed to be in a much better mood.
We did have a slight mishap at the Botanical Gardens because she tripped and slammed into one of the windows with the side of her head. I could tell it hurt her pretty bad and she has a slight knot over her ear now. To make her feel better we decided to go over to Headwaters Park. She was upset over the lack of playground, but we ended up running and splashing through the fountain. We finished off with dinner at Pint and Slice where she demolished a huge piece off pizza and a giant cookie.
All in all it was a great weekend with some of our favorite people. I just want to send a special thanks to Joey who handled Sophie being a huge grump and me getting extremely frustrated like a total champ!
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Back to school.. Back to school...
Last semester I decided I was done with college. Working 40 hours a week plus going to college full time was killing me. I would leave home around 6 am and get home around 8 pm. I know tons of single moms do it but my issue was this: I only have Sophie 50% of the time. That means every other week I only see her on Wednesday and Thursday. She goes to bed around 9. That means every other week I only saw her for about 3 hours total. If I was lucky. I couldn't do it any more. Especially considering the only program I could find that I was interested in was a 5 year program. NOT counting the 2 years of stupid Gen Ed classes the community college I was attending was making me take.
So I decided to quit. I told my dad that I was done. Either I would wait to go back to college when I got married and didn't have to be the only working adult in my household, or I would just never go back. I would rather work a job that I hate than not see my daughter.
Except that I am miserably and utterly bored right now. I feel like I'm not doing anything with my life (because I'm not). As much as I love my dogs and my clients at work I want to feel like I'm DOING something. So with help from a friend and encouragement from my dad I found a 2 year program that will put my right into the field that I want. I really like the schedule my new school runs on too because rather than have 4 classes a semester they have 12 week "quarters" that focus on three classes at a time. The only thing that sucks is that class is once a week for four hours. But it kind of works out for my work schedule. I'll take what I can online and then for everything else I'll be struggling to stay awake for 4 hours :) My last quarter includes an intership at a local hospital and the school has a 100% employment rate for their Medical Assisting program so I'm pretty excited. Classes start next month. So basically me quitting college turned into me taking the summer off (which I always do anyway).
So I decided to quit. I told my dad that I was done. Either I would wait to go back to college when I got married and didn't have to be the only working adult in my household, or I would just never go back. I would rather work a job that I hate than not see my daughter.
Except that I am miserably and utterly bored right now. I feel like I'm not doing anything with my life (because I'm not). As much as I love my dogs and my clients at work I want to feel like I'm DOING something. So with help from a friend and encouragement from my dad I found a 2 year program that will put my right into the field that I want. I really like the schedule my new school runs on too because rather than have 4 classes a semester they have 12 week "quarters" that focus on three classes at a time. The only thing that sucks is that class is once a week for four hours. But it kind of works out for my work schedule. I'll take what I can online and then for everything else I'll be struggling to stay awake for 4 hours :) My last quarter includes an intership at a local hospital and the school has a 100% employment rate for their Medical Assisting program so I'm pretty excited. Classes start next month. So basically me quitting college turned into me taking the summer off (which I always do anyway).
Thursday, August 7, 2014
The extreme downside to Coparenting.
I'm going to talk about something that previously has only been discussed with my boyfriend and a couple close friends of mine. I don't know if any of my other friends that coparent or even have weekend visitations experience this but it's something I have been struggling with ever since I moved out on my own.
I feel like my daughter hates me most of the time. Now, I was ready to feel like this when she was a teenager because I remember how much I fought with my parents and yelled "I hate you" at both of them and was just generally a terrible hormonal mess. However, I wasn't prepared for my daughter screaming and yelling and running away at the sight of me every time I pick her up from the sitter when she's only two and three years old. She is currently being watched by her aunt during the day and every time I pick her up without fail she throws a fit and screams for her dad. I can see the tantrum start as soon if my car pulls in if they happen to be playing outside.
This makes me feel a variety of ways. One, it hurts. A lot. Two, I feel guilty. Obviously I'm doing something wrong so that she never wants to be with me as much as her dad. And three... I get pissed. I'm not going to lie. I get angry. I have sacrificed more than I can even say (as any mother should) for my family and it sometimes it makes me so angry that not only is it not appreciated but I'm greeted with screams and tears and "go away" every single day. I know it's not logical. I know it's not even very mature. But it's real and it's what I go through on the days that I have Sophie.
I'm not saying that the entire time we are together she cries and wants to leave because that's not the case. As soon as we get home she's just fine and all smiles and "I missed you's" and we're good to go. But you better believe she's going to ask me at least twice when she's going back to her dad's house. And you know what? I get it. I was a daddy's girl. Not only that but I mean who can really blame her? I have a tiny apartment, her dad has a house with a yard. At my place it's just me and her. At his place she has him, her stepmom, and her brothers that she adores. Not only that but I'm the "bad" parent that took her tv away and replaced it with trips to the park and the zoo, crafts, books, and play time. I feel like my love and attention from my daughter is based solely on what I can give her because let's face it. Toddlers are selfish and shallow. They're children. They don't know any better. All she knows is that I don't give her as much as her dad does and Mommy sure isn't scared to say no. That's what sucks about trying to be a good parent. You always risk making your kid mad. I don't really care because I would rather her be angry with me and still learn more and have more experiences than have her glued to the tv holding my hand.
I honestly don't even know how to end this blog because tomorrow it's going to be the same thing over again. I'm going to pick her up, she's going to throw a fit, and then I'm going to spend my entire weekend with her asking when she goes back to her dad's house.
Cheers, ya'll.
I feel like my daughter hates me most of the time. Now, I was ready to feel like this when she was a teenager because I remember how much I fought with my parents and yelled "I hate you" at both of them and was just generally a terrible hormonal mess. However, I wasn't prepared for my daughter screaming and yelling and running away at the sight of me every time I pick her up from the sitter when she's only two and three years old. She is currently being watched by her aunt during the day and every time I pick her up without fail she throws a fit and screams for her dad. I can see the tantrum start as soon if my car pulls in if they happen to be playing outside.
This makes me feel a variety of ways. One, it hurts. A lot. Two, I feel guilty. Obviously I'm doing something wrong so that she never wants to be with me as much as her dad. And three... I get pissed. I'm not going to lie. I get angry. I have sacrificed more than I can even say (as any mother should) for my family and it sometimes it makes me so angry that not only is it not appreciated but I'm greeted with screams and tears and "go away" every single day. I know it's not logical. I know it's not even very mature. But it's real and it's what I go through on the days that I have Sophie.
I'm not saying that the entire time we are together she cries and wants to leave because that's not the case. As soon as we get home she's just fine and all smiles and "I missed you's" and we're good to go. But you better believe she's going to ask me at least twice when she's going back to her dad's house. And you know what? I get it. I was a daddy's girl. Not only that but I mean who can really blame her? I have a tiny apartment, her dad has a house with a yard. At my place it's just me and her. At his place she has him, her stepmom, and her brothers that she adores. Not only that but I'm the "bad" parent that took her tv away and replaced it with trips to the park and the zoo, crafts, books, and play time. I feel like my love and attention from my daughter is based solely on what I can give her because let's face it. Toddlers are selfish and shallow. They're children. They don't know any better. All she knows is that I don't give her as much as her dad does and Mommy sure isn't scared to say no. That's what sucks about trying to be a good parent. You always risk making your kid mad. I don't really care because I would rather her be angry with me and still learn more and have more experiences than have her glued to the tv holding my hand.
I honestly don't even know how to end this blog because tomorrow it's going to be the same thing over again. I'm going to pick her up, she's going to throw a fit, and then I'm going to spend my entire weekend with her asking when she goes back to her dad's house.
Cheers, ya'll.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Weekend/Life Update
First of all, my weekend was pretty amazing. Sophie was at her dad's and Joey surprised me with a trip to Cedar Point. I haven't been since I was 15 and after buying a ticket for Riot Fest in September I just decided I was going to wait until next summer to go. The day started out with a pretty serious thunderstorm but thankfully it slowed to a drizzle by the time we arrived and the sun came out after a couple hours. The weather was perfect, the lines weren't insanely long, and I ran into a couple of my friends from high school in West Virginia. OH. And someone gave us their fast passes in the evening. That was sweet.
Sophie's Stepmom and I got her signed up for dance class. That starts in September. After we went to the studio's open house and got her registered my car decided to die. I had issues with it Sunday and even had to call into work for Monday but after replacing the battery I thought it was fixed. NOPE. Now I'm driving a Cadillac until it gets fixed. I actually kind of love it....
I didn't get the job at the zoo but I'm not even slightly upset because they only pay minimum wage and ain't nobody got time fo dat. I keep telling myself I need to find a "real" job but I think for now I'm going to stay at the daycare. I love my boss (and her babies), I love my coworkers, and I love the dogs. Sometimes I want to cry or rip my hair out but I guess that's any job. Plus I make more money cleaning dog poop and taking naps than I would be making at any of the jobs I've applied to so far.
Sophie and I start house sitting for Jenn on Friday so this weekend should be fun. I totally plan on taking advantage of her lovely fenced in yard and proximity to the Jorgensen YMCA and their awesome playground. I also start cat sitting for my friend/tattoo artist. His cat is hairless. I'm pretty excited to hang out with a hairless cat.
Towards the end of the month we will be moving in with Wes and Lindsey. I can't wait. I'm not saying I hate living in my tiny upstairs apartment but... I do. SORRY LYNN! Wes has a fenced in yard too. Yay! Hopefully it will only be for a few months, then Sophie and I can find a house of our own. The hard part is finding somewhere that allows dogs. I think since Rose ended up being so little she's just going to be a lab from now on :D
Sophie's Stepmom and I got her signed up for dance class. That starts in September. After we went to the studio's open house and got her registered my car decided to die. I had issues with it Sunday and even had to call into work for Monday but after replacing the battery I thought it was fixed. NOPE. Now I'm driving a Cadillac until it gets fixed. I actually kind of love it....
I didn't get the job at the zoo but I'm not even slightly upset because they only pay minimum wage and ain't nobody got time fo dat. I keep telling myself I need to find a "real" job but I think for now I'm going to stay at the daycare. I love my boss (and her babies), I love my coworkers, and I love the dogs. Sometimes I want to cry or rip my hair out but I guess that's any job. Plus I make more money cleaning dog poop and taking naps than I would be making at any of the jobs I've applied to so far.
Sophie and I start house sitting for Jenn on Friday so this weekend should be fun. I totally plan on taking advantage of her lovely fenced in yard and proximity to the Jorgensen YMCA and their awesome playground. I also start cat sitting for my friend/tattoo artist. His cat is hairless. I'm pretty excited to hang out with a hairless cat.
Towards the end of the month we will be moving in with Wes and Lindsey. I can't wait. I'm not saying I hate living in my tiny upstairs apartment but... I do. SORRY LYNN! Wes has a fenced in yard too. Yay! Hopefully it will only be for a few months, then Sophie and I can find a house of our own. The hard part is finding somewhere that allows dogs. I think since Rose ended up being so little she's just going to be a lab from now on :D
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Changes...
Sophie and I have some big changes coming up. First off, we are moving next month. I've decided to move in with a friend of mine and his girlfriend so that I can finally save money rather than trying to make it paycheck to paycheck. Thankfully she's known this friend since was a baby rather than just getting a random roommate that she's never met. I'm excited to be living in a house with a yard again. I'm hoping by next year we will be moving into our own place with our own yard, but the next few months should be pretty fun.
On top of the move we are also house-sitting for a friend. That will actually be kind of nice because we will have a place to stay that isn't full of boxes and packing tape. I'm sure our dog Rose will appreciate it. Our rabbit Gandalf passed away a couple weeks ago so he will not be making the move with us. He was a great pet, and I miss him terribly. It took Sophie about a week to notice that he was gone though. I used to give him free reign of the apartment so I suppose she just assumed he was hiding out for a while when she saw that his cage was empty. As of right now I won't be attempting to replace him considering the fact that I bought him for Sophie and he became more my pet than hers. This is also how I ended up with Rose. I though for sure she would love having a dog but they get along about as well as my older sister and I did as children ( TERRIBLY).
I will hopefully be making some career changes soon too. Not to jinx anything but I have an interview tomorrow at the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo in the education department. We will see how that goes. Even if I do get the job I'll still be at the daycare a couple days a week which is nice because as much as this place drives me nuts I'm not ready to leave.
Sophie met Joey finally too. She first met him at Rock the Plaza a few weeks ago. That went okay because at first she was very shy but when we left she gave him a flower and a hug. The following weekend we all went to the zoo and that was a disaster because she decided to be super weird at first by licking her notebook in front of him and then growling a bunch in the car (fairly normal Sophie behavior but not exactly what I was hoping for) and then she was super grumpy the whole way through the zoo. The only thing that made her happy was that she decided she was going to hold his hand and then she did fairly well with the rest of the trip through "Indonesia" and "Australia".
I'm still planning on keeping my dating and family life mostly separate but we'll be spending time together now and then. This weekend we're looking at a possible trip to the drive in, but who knows what we will get into. Hopefully she doesn't growl at him again.
On top of the move we are also house-sitting for a friend. That will actually be kind of nice because we will have a place to stay that isn't full of boxes and packing tape. I'm sure our dog Rose will appreciate it. Our rabbit Gandalf passed away a couple weeks ago so he will not be making the move with us. He was a great pet, and I miss him terribly. It took Sophie about a week to notice that he was gone though. I used to give him free reign of the apartment so I suppose she just assumed he was hiding out for a while when she saw that his cage was empty. As of right now I won't be attempting to replace him considering the fact that I bought him for Sophie and he became more my pet than hers. This is also how I ended up with Rose. I though for sure she would love having a dog but they get along about as well as my older sister and I did as children ( TERRIBLY).
I will hopefully be making some career changes soon too. Not to jinx anything but I have an interview tomorrow at the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo in the education department. We will see how that goes. Even if I do get the job I'll still be at the daycare a couple days a week which is nice because as much as this place drives me nuts I'm not ready to leave.
Sophie met Joey finally too. She first met him at Rock the Plaza a few weeks ago. That went okay because at first she was very shy but when we left she gave him a flower and a hug. The following weekend we all went to the zoo and that was a disaster because she decided to be super weird at first by licking her notebook in front of him and then growling a bunch in the car (fairly normal Sophie behavior but not exactly what I was hoping for) and then she was super grumpy the whole way through the zoo. The only thing that made her happy was that she decided she was going to hold his hand and then she did fairly well with the rest of the trip through "Indonesia" and "Australia".
I'm still planning on keeping my dating and family life mostly separate but we'll be spending time together now and then. This weekend we're looking at a possible trip to the drive in, but who knows what we will get into. Hopefully she doesn't growl at him again.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Back to the Stone Age
I sold my TV. There are no televisions in my apartment as of Saturday. My TV is gone, my entertainment center is gone, and my living room is looking rather bare. No, I'm not crazy.
I announced on Facebook last week that I had decided to get rid of my television. I had a huge 52 or 53 inch flat screen. It was pretty nice. However, because of my schedule, I rarely used it. It would just sit there, off, and I felt like it was staring at me. I also feel like most living rooms have become a shrine to these huge televisions that everyone just sits in front of and they feel obligated to have it on at all times. I've been trying to cut down on Sophie's use of technology (especially since her father felt that a Kindle Fire was an age appropriate gift for a 3 year old). An average day in our house looks like this: Work from 7 am to 3pm, I pick up Sophie and we take a nap, and then it's time to cook dinner/pick up the house/bath time/bed time. In the hours between our afternoon siesta and bedtime I let Sophie have about an hour of Netflix and then she plays and reads while I do what I need to. We usually try to fit in a walk or a trip to the park as well. Ever since she got her Kindle she would ask for me to turn on the television and then get her Kindle and watch something else on that as well, or play her games. Now, if you ask me, a 3 year old does not need two tv shows at once and she doesn't need to play games on a tablet while watching TV either.
Ever since I told everyone of my plan to replace my televsion with a large bookcase (two smooshed together if I can't find the right one) I've gotten a TON of criticism. It is blowing everyone's minds that I don't want a television in my home. My only question to them is: You do realize that children lived without television for thousands of years right? I think she'll make it. I'm not saying it's permanent, I just think that it's the best thing for us right now, and I'm excited. Maybe it will inspire other people to stop using their TV to raise their children as well. Our home has been filled with books and music for a long time now, but I'm really happy with how my apartment is going to look once I get it set up the way I want.
I announced on Facebook last week that I had decided to get rid of my television. I had a huge 52 or 53 inch flat screen. It was pretty nice. However, because of my schedule, I rarely used it. It would just sit there, off, and I felt like it was staring at me. I also feel like most living rooms have become a shrine to these huge televisions that everyone just sits in front of and they feel obligated to have it on at all times. I've been trying to cut down on Sophie's use of technology (especially since her father felt that a Kindle Fire was an age appropriate gift for a 3 year old). An average day in our house looks like this: Work from 7 am to 3pm, I pick up Sophie and we take a nap, and then it's time to cook dinner/pick up the house/bath time/bed time. In the hours between our afternoon siesta and bedtime I let Sophie have about an hour of Netflix and then she plays and reads while I do what I need to. We usually try to fit in a walk or a trip to the park as well. Ever since she got her Kindle she would ask for me to turn on the television and then get her Kindle and watch something else on that as well, or play her games. Now, if you ask me, a 3 year old does not need two tv shows at once and she doesn't need to play games on a tablet while watching TV either.
Ever since I told everyone of my plan to replace my televsion with a large bookcase (two smooshed together if I can't find the right one) I've gotten a TON of criticism. It is blowing everyone's minds that I don't want a television in my home. My only question to them is: You do realize that children lived without television for thousands of years right? I think she'll make it. I'm not saying it's permanent, I just think that it's the best thing for us right now, and I'm excited. Maybe it will inspire other people to stop using their TV to raise their children as well. Our home has been filled with books and music for a long time now, but I'm really happy with how my apartment is going to look once I get it set up the way I want.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Terrible... 3's?
I'm trying to decide at what point a parent has to stop blaming their child's age for their grumpiness. Sophie is usually a pretty even tempered kid (with a side of stubborn) but lately she's been pretty willfull. I'm not sure if it's just that she's had a lot going on lately, or she's not feeling well, but it's only been for the past week or so. Hopefully it passes. She's so well behaved that I'm not equipped to deal with her mood swings. My coworkers says that she and I fight like a married couple. That's probably true. Last weekend we were bickering back and forth all day. She kept telling me no, I wasn't having the attitude, she would break down and throw a fit, I would send her to time out.... Over and over and over. Finally that night we laid down in bed and she just started crying and said "I'm sorry I was bad. I love you." Of course I started crying because I felt guilty and had to apologize for losing my temper more than usual. Sadly, Sunday was a repeat of Saturday complete with the tearful apologies at bedtime.
I tried to keep us busy. It wasn't too hard because I worked last weekend so between trips to the daycare we also went to Buskerfest to see some street performers. That didn't pan out so well because everything was at street level and there were tons of people, but we did get to have some pretty good food with some awesome friends. Sunday we spent more time with those awesome friends at the zoo, but between Sophie's stubbornness and my best friend's twins testing their limits we had a handful going on.
Aside from the grumpiness Sophie has been very cuddly and helpful lately. I have been having lower back spasms which are incredibly painful and sometimes leave me unable to do much. The other night when my back locked up at bedtime (they are at their worst when I first lay down) she was trying her best to roll my over so she could rub my back for me. It mostly resulted in her poking my sides but it really is the thought that counts. She's even been asking me how my back is periodically. That might not seem like a big deal but 3 year olds aren't exactly known for their empathy so I appreciate the thought.
Maybe she's grumpy because I've been forcing her to eat better lately. I did give her spinach and avocado in the same day, which is probably the healthiest she's eaten in her entire life. I guess to a carb lover that's pretty close to torture.
I tried to keep us busy. It wasn't too hard because I worked last weekend so between trips to the daycare we also went to Buskerfest to see some street performers. That didn't pan out so well because everything was at street level and there were tons of people, but we did get to have some pretty good food with some awesome friends. Sunday we spent more time with those awesome friends at the zoo, but between Sophie's stubbornness and my best friend's twins testing their limits we had a handful going on.
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| Sophie and Brooke, who she decided is now her "cousin" |
Aside from the grumpiness Sophie has been very cuddly and helpful lately. I have been having lower back spasms which are incredibly painful and sometimes leave me unable to do much. The other night when my back locked up at bedtime (they are at their worst when I first lay down) she was trying her best to roll my over so she could rub my back for me. It mostly resulted in her poking my sides but it really is the thought that counts. She's even been asking me how my back is periodically. That might not seem like a big deal but 3 year olds aren't exactly known for their empathy so I appreciate the thought.
Maybe she's grumpy because I've been forcing her to eat better lately. I did give her spinach and avocado in the same day, which is probably the healthiest she's eaten in her entire life. I guess to a carb lover that's pretty close to torture.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Cosleeping
Cosleeping is the hardest habit to break. Sophie's been doing great since we decided to cut TV out of bedtime. We have a movie/dinner/showertime routine down pretty well and she goes to sleep on her own just fine. The hard part is that she keeps waking up around 1 am and asking to sleep with me. Sleep is literally my biggest weakness. I love to sleep. I could sleep 24 hours a day if I had the opportunity. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, getting her back to sleep usually involves her crying herself to sleep. She's pretty stubborn and hard to calm down when she's tired. So, most of the time, I just say yes. She waddles into my room dragging her blankie and crawls into bed. What makes it so much harder is that she's been much more cuddly as of late and I just can't pass that up.
My favorite part of cosleeping is that it just feels so natural. I woke up the other night and we were both laying on our backs. My left arm was extended towards her and she had her legs across my arm. I was cradling her foot. She had her torso turned towards me and one hand was cupped around my ear. Nothing is better than waking up like that. I know I really need to crack down on our sleeping habits because she's 3 and a half now, but it's just so hard when I don't have her every single day and our nights matter just as much as our days.
So, my question is... Should I feel bad about this? It's not an every night thing, but it does happen a couple nights out of the week. Especially since every other week I only have her for two nights.
My favorite part of cosleeping is that it just feels so natural. I woke up the other night and we were both laying on our backs. My left arm was extended towards her and she had her legs across my arm. I was cradling her foot. She had her torso turned towards me and one hand was cupped around my ear. Nothing is better than waking up like that. I know I really need to crack down on our sleeping habits because she's 3 and a half now, but it's just so hard when I don't have her every single day and our nights matter just as much as our days.
So, my question is... Should I feel bad about this? It's not an every night thing, but it does happen a couple nights out of the week. Especially since every other week I only have her for two nights.
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| Zoo date last weekend |
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| I spent most of my weekend with this lovely lady |
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Your kid is weird.
It's amazing how often I hear that. People tell me that Sophie is strange all the time. Probably because I share her weirdness on Facebook and Twitter. I can't make up some of the stuff she says. I'm pretty sure it's my fault. I'm almost positive. Just last night we got home for the evening and she asked me to play with her. I collapsed on the couch and told her to let me rest for a minute since I had just gotten of work. She said "Ok mommy, that's fine." and then proceeded to sing a song that involved some jibberish. I did catch the tail end of the lyrics which consisted of saying "I'm not going to let you rest" over and over. So that was nice.
She loves to talk to people, but is learning the hard way that she shouldn't talk about people. Especially out loud. In the grocery store. Asking where their friends are and then saying they probably don't have any. Or that she can't point at a fairly young (albeit bald) gentleman and say "He looks like my grandpa!".
She thinks she can speak Spanish if she talks into a Dora the Explorer microphone. She once compared me to a mermaid in order to explain why she couldn't sit next to me on the couch. She growls at people and tells me when my hair looks bad. She insists that when my boyfriend buys me flowers he should also buy some for her because "he knows her name, so that means he knows who she is" (even though they haven't met yet). She claims that when she is older I have to be brave because the doctor is going to put her back into my belly so that she can be a baby again and never grow up.
Oh, and she told my boss that if a baby gets sick you put a necklace on it and carry it to the hospital by its neck. So. That happened. Please tell me I'm not the only person in the world with an awesome little weirdo? I will say that life with her is almost never boring. Like I said, it's probably my fault. I encourage her to be weird and tell her it's much better to be intelligent and different than it is to be normal.
She loves to talk to people, but is learning the hard way that she shouldn't talk about people. Especially out loud. In the grocery store. Asking where their friends are and then saying they probably don't have any. Or that she can't point at a fairly young (albeit bald) gentleman and say "He looks like my grandpa!".
She thinks she can speak Spanish if she talks into a Dora the Explorer microphone. She once compared me to a mermaid in order to explain why she couldn't sit next to me on the couch. She growls at people and tells me when my hair looks bad. She insists that when my boyfriend buys me flowers he should also buy some for her because "he knows her name, so that means he knows who she is" (even though they haven't met yet). She claims that when she is older I have to be brave because the doctor is going to put her back into my belly so that she can be a baby again and never grow up.
Oh, and she told my boss that if a baby gets sick you put a necklace on it and carry it to the hospital by its neck. So. That happened. Please tell me I'm not the only person in the world with an awesome little weirdo? I will say that life with her is almost never boring. Like I said, it's probably my fault. I encourage her to be weird and tell her it's much better to be intelligent and different than it is to be normal.
Friday, June 6, 2014
West Virginia hills
Last Friday Sophia and I took off to West Virginia for a week. My mother was diagnosed with uterine cancer and needed a hysterectomy so of course I wanted to be there for moral support and to help with recovery for a couple of days. The drive down went well, Sophie happily ignored her 9 o clock bedtime and bombarded me with questions for the first couple hours of the trip and then she passed out.
We spent the first few days just enjoying family time with my two sister, niece, and parents. I only go home once or twice a year and usually for only 2 or 3 days so it was nice to get some quality time with them. However, I will admit that my older sister and I quickly remembered why we could never share a room as teenagers. Sophie got along with her 2 year old cousin Ana very well, and was attached to my mother's hip from the second we walked through the door.
My mom's surgery went really well but the recovery was harder than I thought it would be. It was awful seeing her in so much pain. I am an extremely empathetic person to the point that seeing others hurting physically or emotionally brings me physical pain. Every time my mom cried I cried with her. I felt like such a failure as a daughter because instead of supporting her I was blubbering like a baby. Thankfully it didn't take her long to get through the worst of it because the next couple of days had her up and walking around fairly easily.
One of my favorite parts of this trip was that this is the longest time I have spent with Sophie since she was about a year old. Usually I work just about every day and the schedule she has with her dad is that we switch every 2-3 days. This means that I only see her a couple days in a row after work. I got her all to myself for 6 whole days. I really hate to admit that I haven't had my own daughter for 6 days in a row for over a year, but that's how it is.
Mini rant: Rarely can I complain about Sophie's schedule without someone looking at me like I'm an idiot. Especially my family. No one can seem to wrap their head around the fact that Sophie needs her mother AND her father. I can't imagine going more than a week without seeing her, and I know he can't either. Some people seem to think that he's not important in her life at all. Just because I personally can't stand him doesn't mean that she should be kept away because I want more time with her. If a kid's dad is willing to stick around and wants an active role in her life then people should be throwing a parade these days rather than acting like I'm a bad mother because I only have her 50% of the time.
End rant.
Anyway, the trip went well and my mom is on a full road to recovery. The doctor will be calling her in the next couple weeks to let her know whether or not they need to start chemo. I'm crossing my fingers that the test results come out well and that this surgery will be the end of it. I can't wait to be back home in September, but for now I'm so glad to be in Fort Wayne again.
One last thing. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before but my daughter refers to me as "banana". Sometimes, "goo goo banana". I don't know why, you would have to ask her. However, she felt it was appropriate to refer to my best friend (who is of mixed descent) as "Coco banana". Should I correct her? Because frankly we both thought it was hilarious.
We spent the first few days just enjoying family time with my two sister, niece, and parents. I only go home once or twice a year and usually for only 2 or 3 days so it was nice to get some quality time with them. However, I will admit that my older sister and I quickly remembered why we could never share a room as teenagers. Sophie got along with her 2 year old cousin Ana very well, and was attached to my mother's hip from the second we walked through the door.
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| From left to right: Sophie, Kayla (baby sister), Anna (niece), me (getting lusciously tan), and Kari (bff for 17 years) |
One of my favorite parts of this trip was that this is the longest time I have spent with Sophie since she was about a year old. Usually I work just about every day and the schedule she has with her dad is that we switch every 2-3 days. This means that I only see her a couple days in a row after work. I got her all to myself for 6 whole days. I really hate to admit that I haven't had my own daughter for 6 days in a row for over a year, but that's how it is.
Mini rant: Rarely can I complain about Sophie's schedule without someone looking at me like I'm an idiot. Especially my family. No one can seem to wrap their head around the fact that Sophie needs her mother AND her father. I can't imagine going more than a week without seeing her, and I know he can't either. Some people seem to think that he's not important in her life at all. Just because I personally can't stand him doesn't mean that she should be kept away because I want more time with her. If a kid's dad is willing to stick around and wants an active role in her life then people should be throwing a parade these days rather than acting like I'm a bad mother because I only have her 50% of the time.
End rant.
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| Sophie and her cousin Ana |
One last thing. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before but my daughter refers to me as "banana". Sometimes, "goo goo banana". I don't know why, you would have to ask her. However, she felt it was appropriate to refer to my best friend (who is of mixed descent) as "Coco banana". Should I correct her? Because frankly we both thought it was hilarious.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
My mini me
Does anyone else have a super super small kid? Sophie and I were walking up the stairs to our apartment last night when I realized that she was wearing a dress that she had worn last summer. She wasn't wearing it as a shirt either (which I've been known to do on occasion if I really like a dress she has outgrown). It fit perfectly.
We've been given hand-me-downs from my niece. Her summer wardrobe from last year will be Sophie's wardrobe this year. Did I mention that Ana is not even two while Sophie is 3 and a half? She still wears 24 month sized pants! It drives me crazy.
I'm not sure if she's just going to be super tiny for the rest of her life or what. Her dad and I are like the same height so I'm slightly tall for a girl and he's kind of short for a guy. We're both average sized as far as weight goes. I have no idea where she inherited this itty bitty gene. Part of me wonders if it's because she was born a little early (although I was technically full term) or if it's because I had an extremely stressful and complicated pregnancy. I also worry that it's because she never eats. Literally. This child is the most picky eater I have ever met. Of course, her babysitter says that Sophie eats whatever she gives her. Not at my house. I once made lasagna and the first night she cried herself to sleep sitting up at the table so she wouldn't have to eat it. The second night, she cried for 45 minutes before she finally gave in and tasted it. Although she claimed to like it she took about 3 bites and said she was full.
The worst part about having a picky eater/child that eats like a bird is that parents have a couple instincts and the strongest is to make sure their children eat. It is infuriating to the point of me wanting to pull out my hair sometimes when she simply refuses to eat anything all day or barely picks at the food that I give her. Sometimes I daydream about her eating a huge meal. That would be lovely.
We've been given hand-me-downs from my niece. Her summer wardrobe from last year will be Sophie's wardrobe this year. Did I mention that Ana is not even two while Sophie is 3 and a half? She still wears 24 month sized pants! It drives me crazy.
I'm not sure if she's just going to be super tiny for the rest of her life or what. Her dad and I are like the same height so I'm slightly tall for a girl and he's kind of short for a guy. We're both average sized as far as weight goes. I have no idea where she inherited this itty bitty gene. Part of me wonders if it's because she was born a little early (although I was technically full term) or if it's because I had an extremely stressful and complicated pregnancy. I also worry that it's because she never eats. Literally. This child is the most picky eater I have ever met. Of course, her babysitter says that Sophie eats whatever she gives her. Not at my house. I once made lasagna and the first night she cried herself to sleep sitting up at the table so she wouldn't have to eat it. The second night, she cried for 45 minutes before she finally gave in and tasted it. Although she claimed to like it she took about 3 bites and said she was full.
The worst part about having a picky eater/child that eats like a bird is that parents have a couple instincts and the strongest is to make sure their children eat. It is infuriating to the point of me wanting to pull out my hair sometimes when she simply refuses to eat anything all day or barely picks at the food that I give her. Sometimes I daydream about her eating a huge meal. That would be lovely.
Monday, May 19, 2014
So this weekend was pretty perfect...
It is very rare that an entire weekend at my house goes very smoothly, but with me being off of work and "the twin's" party on Sunday, everything went rather well. I cannot for the life of me remember what we did Friday night but I do remember that her new bedtime routine went extremely smoothly. She was out cold by 9 pm. Oh. That's right. I can't remember because I also went to bed at 9 and we slept for 11 hour straight. Good times :)
Saturday was pretty rainy so we started out with catching up on some housework and laundry. She was of course acting like I was slowly torturing her rather than just making her clean up her toys. Our trip to the zoo turned into a library trip for donuts and some new books. We also spent some time in the Early Learning Center and always she ignored all the other children and made me play with her. My little social butterfly.
Saturday night her grandparent asked if they could spend some time with her so she ended up with grandma and grandpa for the evening, which meant that Mommy got to have a date night with her boyfriend. :)
Sunday morning I picked her up bright and early and we headed straight to one of my best friend's (she's also my boss :p) house for Brooke and Harrison's 2nd birthday party. It feels like we were just at their first birthday party so I was trying not to cry while they blew out their candles. Luckily I got put on trash duty and had tissue paper flying at my head while they were opening gifts so that was a distraction. After the party we went home and took a 3 hour nap. It was glorious. Of course this was quickly followed by a long, long walk and a trip to the park to make sure that Sophie wouldn't be up all night.
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| Sophie, Brooke, and Harrison on the new teeter totter. It was definitely a hit. |
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| Sporting our Minnie ears before opening H&B blew out their candles. |
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Breaking bad habits
Once of the most difficult parts of co-parenting (for me) is the struggle of raising a child that has a whole different parenting style going on at her other home. Her father and I share her 50/50, with a rotating schedule every 2-3 days. What that means is that half of the week she lives by my rules and the other half by her father and stepmother's. They are both great parents, and her step-mom and I have always collaborated on the big things like potty training. However, no two households are going to be exactly the same, and that can cause some issues.
My worst parenting habit starting about 6 months ago when Sophie started to have pretty intense night terrors. She would start screaming and crying in the middle of the night without ever waking up. That was pretty terrifying. I did some research and one of the suggestions was co-sleeping. I was all on board for that. I'm pretty much always up for Sophie cuddles. Co-sleeping basically ended the night terror problem, but we didn't end the co-sleeping. Worse, when she did wake up at night she would sometimes stay awake the entire rest of the night which led to me bringing my laptop into the room, playing cartoons for her, and going back to sleep while she laid in bed next to me watching Lazy Town or Mickey Mouse. I know. I'm the worst mom ever. I felt so bad doing it, but working 40 hours a week and going to school is already exhausting without running on 3 hours of sleep. This led to us using the laptop for her to get to sleep every single night. Not to mention her father had put a television in her bedroom for what I'm sure was the same reason.
When Sophie was a baby, up until her father and I split up, she was very good about being laid in her crib and going to sleep on her own. I decided that if she could sleep that well when she was a baby, she could do it now. I bought her a bright Minnie Mouse nightlight and two days ago I informed her that she would no longer be sleeping with me or with the laptop. I have found that when I am going to do something I know she won't like, usually a pep talk beforehand lessens the drama when things don't go her way. A friend of mine had been posting about her use of essential oils on Facebook, and sent me a sample pack so I decided to incorporate them into our new bedtime routine. This routine now consists of rubbing the Peace and Calm essential Oil by Young Living onto her feet and shoulders and diffusing Lavender in her room about 30 minutes before bedtime.
The first night was of course a disaster. She didn't even throw a fit, she just laid there and cried and cried. Hopefully other moms will understand what I mean by that. She sounded so heartbroken. I offered to read to her but she said that she would rather be alone. She's a very stubborn and independent child. After she calmed down a bit I squeezed into her princess toddler bed with her and read to her for about 20 minutes. She seemed calm so I attempted to kiss her goodnight but she started screaming and crying all over again. I brought the Peace and Calm into her room, cuddled her, and let her smell it a few times. She almost instantly quieted and soon fell asleep in my lap while I sang to her.
Last night went much more smoothly. There were some tears, but once again I brought in the Peace and Calm and she almost instantly calmed right down. She wasn't quite ready to sleep because she had a late nap but she laid in her room with a book until she fell asleep about 15 minutes later. Needless to say I was awed, but mostly thrilled.
The worst part of this transition was the accusing "Daddy let's me have a TV in my room!!" that I got over and over the first night. I explained to her that Mommy and Daddy do things very differently, but she sounded so betrayed and upset that I felt terrible until I reminded myself that I was doing this for her. I would much rather we spend our time before bed reading or singing, not only for her benefit but for my own as well. I believe it is time much better spent than laying in bed falling asleep while she watches cartoons.
My worst parenting habit starting about 6 months ago when Sophie started to have pretty intense night terrors. She would start screaming and crying in the middle of the night without ever waking up. That was pretty terrifying. I did some research and one of the suggestions was co-sleeping. I was all on board for that. I'm pretty much always up for Sophie cuddles. Co-sleeping basically ended the night terror problem, but we didn't end the co-sleeping. Worse, when she did wake up at night she would sometimes stay awake the entire rest of the night which led to me bringing my laptop into the room, playing cartoons for her, and going back to sleep while she laid in bed next to me watching Lazy Town or Mickey Mouse. I know. I'm the worst mom ever. I felt so bad doing it, but working 40 hours a week and going to school is already exhausting without running on 3 hours of sleep. This led to us using the laptop for her to get to sleep every single night. Not to mention her father had put a television in her bedroom for what I'm sure was the same reason.
When Sophie was a baby, up until her father and I split up, she was very good about being laid in her crib and going to sleep on her own. I decided that if she could sleep that well when she was a baby, she could do it now. I bought her a bright Minnie Mouse nightlight and two days ago I informed her that she would no longer be sleeping with me or with the laptop. I have found that when I am going to do something I know she won't like, usually a pep talk beforehand lessens the drama when things don't go her way. A friend of mine had been posting about her use of essential oils on Facebook, and sent me a sample pack so I decided to incorporate them into our new bedtime routine. This routine now consists of rubbing the Peace and Calm essential Oil by Young Living onto her feet and shoulders and diffusing Lavender in her room about 30 minutes before bedtime.
The first night was of course a disaster. She didn't even throw a fit, she just laid there and cried and cried. Hopefully other moms will understand what I mean by that. She sounded so heartbroken. I offered to read to her but she said that she would rather be alone. She's a very stubborn and independent child. After she calmed down a bit I squeezed into her princess toddler bed with her and read to her for about 20 minutes. She seemed calm so I attempted to kiss her goodnight but she started screaming and crying all over again. I brought the Peace and Calm into her room, cuddled her, and let her smell it a few times. She almost instantly quieted and soon fell asleep in my lap while I sang to her.
Last night went much more smoothly. There were some tears, but once again I brought in the Peace and Calm and she almost instantly calmed right down. She wasn't quite ready to sleep because she had a late nap but she laid in her room with a book until she fell asleep about 15 minutes later. Needless to say I was awed, but mostly thrilled.
The worst part of this transition was the accusing "Daddy let's me have a TV in my room!!" that I got over and over the first night. I explained to her that Mommy and Daddy do things very differently, but she sounded so betrayed and upset that I felt terrible until I reminded myself that I was doing this for her. I would much rather we spend our time before bed reading or singing, not only for her benefit but for my own as well. I believe it is time much better spent than laying in bed falling asleep while she watches cartoons.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Mother's Day
I suppose since this blog is about the up's and down's of co-parenting, I should start with how things sometimes go on holidays. Take Mother's Day, for example. It was last Sunday and Sophie was at her father's house for the weekend. Rather than ruin her weekend (her father is in the police academy and doesn't get much time with him) she and I celebrated together the previous weekend. We started with breakfast at IHOP, because pancakes, and then a trip to the zoo. That evening we had a pictures done by Gillian Dyan Photography and they turned out beautifully. It was a perfect day and she handled it very well. I'm sure the 3 hour nap didn't hurt anything.
She called me on Sunday to tell me "Happy Mother's Day", and that she had gotten me a present. She also informed me what my present was and I could hear her father yelling in the background "You're not supposed to tell her!" That definitely made me laugh and it was so good to hear from her. Most weekends that she's not with me I spend staring at pictures of her, wishing she was there. However, I spent the entire day with one of my favorite people at the zoo, having lunch, and then watching one of the scariest movies I've ever seen. Seriously. Have you seen the Conjuring? Don't. It's terrifying.
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