As all my Facebook friends are aware, I'm fighting issues with my back again. This is now including trips to an orthopedist and probably impending surgery. On top of my back pain progressing I have lost feeling and function in my left leg. I can still walk fine. Unless I exert myself too much then I start walking like a pirate with a pegleg. The stairs in our home are becoming a real bitch lately. My biggest wish is to have one pain-free day. Just one. I feel so bad for Joey because right now I feel like all I do is cry. Every single evening I lay on our couch or in our bed and cry because I can't take the pain anymore. However, I have hope that they will figure everything and that maybe soon I'll be feeling like a normal girl my age.
While I was worrying about surgery and the time off work a week or so ago, Joey kept trying to stop me from spazzing. As always. I worry about everything all the time. Once I cried because I was thinking about "What if Sophie got into an accident when she started driving?" I know. I'm a psycho. This time I was trying to figure out what in the world I was going to do if I had to take two months off of work. Joey kept telling me not to worry, we don't even know if I have to have surgery yet and if I do then we will figure it out. He kept telling me not to worry and I kept telling me that I HAD TO. I looked at him and said "You don't understand, I'm a single mom, I can't NOT worry about being out of work." He shook his head and said "but you're not a single mom."
Now, I didn't forget that I was in a relationship for the past year, but we have only been living together for a month or so now. Not that he hasn't always been there for me because he absolutely has from day one but I'm just now realizing that I'm not a single parent anymore. I have an amazing, strong, sexy, funny boyfriend but I also have a partner now. Someone to rely on. I've never had that before. Sophie has always been my family but we are finally a complete family unit. Our moving in early happened so fast that I haven't even had the time to appreciate this fact and realize that I'M NOT A SINGLE MOM ANYMORE.
I'M NO LONGER THAT STEREOTYPE AND I HAVE SOMEONE TO FALL BACK ON.
Like I said. He's always been there, but somehow us living together as a family has made it so much more real to me. The day after this happened I pulled into our driveway, stared up at our house in our gorgeous neighborhood, thought about the places I've lived in the past 4 years (always alone) and I just started bawling. I'm so incredibly lucky and even with all this pain I'm experiencing I know that no matter what he's going to be there for me and I couldn't be anymore grateful.
(Now excuse me while I go cry some more tears of joy)
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Sophie is going to be a big sister!
I'm not sure how many people know, but Sophie's stepmom is pregnant with a baby boy and is due in May. We are pretty sure he is going to make his arrival this week though, because she lost her mucus plug (I know, gross) the other day. Sophie has been talking about her baby brother non stop since they found out and she will NOT stop bugging me about THOSE BIRTH CONTROL PILLS I take and how she needs a baby sister.
Before you ask, I had to take her to pick up my prescription once and I try to be honest with her always so when she asked I explained to her what they were. Worst idea ever. EVER.
Anyway.
I feel so bad for her because I know how hard it was on me when my little sister was born. I was the baby of three and suddenly I was one of the dreaded middle children. Thankfull after a couple weeks I fell in love with my baby sister and wanted to be with her and help all the time. I can only hope Sophie does that well.
My biggest concern right now is that Sophie's dad already doesn't have much time for her lately. We haven't had a set schedule in MONTHS and I hate it. Joey and I have to cater to his schedule because her stepmom's pregnancy has been super rough and Sophie's dad is a police officer with a rotating schedule. What sucks though is that on top of his job, the hard pregnancy, and everything else he is trying to sell his house and I find him putting other things before her. I'm not criticizing, but it's been rough. He has had her only one day a week several weeks in a row and has been canceling/switching days around a lot lately. It's been hard on her and hard on us as a family because our schedule was erratic as it is and now she has no idea what's going on. I wish that we could be a normal split family so much, and that she could just seem him on the weekends, especially now that he has so much on his plate. It's only going to get worse when the baby comes and I hope that he finds a way to make time for her, or to let me set a normal schedule where she is with me and Joey most of the time and not bouncing around from house to house on random days. The worst is when I absolutely PROMISE that such and such day will be the day she sees her dad finally and then he turns around and has to cancel. Once again, not criticising, but it's hard on us both. And I hate having to cater to someone else's life for their sake and not mine or Sophie's. I always try to do what's best for her and not me but right now I feel like she and I are doing what he thinks is best and it's not really benefiting anyone but him. I hope we figure it out soon.
Just wanted to get that off my chest. Here's to hoping the nugget and I will have things back to normal. I can't wait to see how happy she is when she finally gets to hold "her baby Noah".
Before you ask, I had to take her to pick up my prescription once and I try to be honest with her always so when she asked I explained to her what they were. Worst idea ever. EVER.
Anyway.
I feel so bad for her because I know how hard it was on me when my little sister was born. I was the baby of three and suddenly I was one of the dreaded middle children. Thankfull after a couple weeks I fell in love with my baby sister and wanted to be with her and help all the time. I can only hope Sophie does that well.
My biggest concern right now is that Sophie's dad already doesn't have much time for her lately. We haven't had a set schedule in MONTHS and I hate it. Joey and I have to cater to his schedule because her stepmom's pregnancy has been super rough and Sophie's dad is a police officer with a rotating schedule. What sucks though is that on top of his job, the hard pregnancy, and everything else he is trying to sell his house and I find him putting other things before her. I'm not criticizing, but it's been rough. He has had her only one day a week several weeks in a row and has been canceling/switching days around a lot lately. It's been hard on her and hard on us as a family because our schedule was erratic as it is and now she has no idea what's going on. I wish that we could be a normal split family so much, and that she could just seem him on the weekends, especially now that he has so much on his plate. It's only going to get worse when the baby comes and I hope that he finds a way to make time for her, or to let me set a normal schedule where she is with me and Joey most of the time and not bouncing around from house to house on random days. The worst is when I absolutely PROMISE that such and such day will be the day she sees her dad finally and then he turns around and has to cancel. Once again, not criticising, but it's hard on us both. And I hate having to cater to someone else's life for their sake and not mine or Sophie's. I always try to do what's best for her and not me but right now I feel like she and I are doing what he thinks is best and it's not really benefiting anyone but him. I hope we figure it out soon.
Just wanted to get that off my chest. Here's to hoping the nugget and I will have things back to normal. I can't wait to see how happy she is when she finally gets to hold "her baby Noah".
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
And then there were 5!
Sophie and I were planning on moving in with Joey next month, but due to my roommate unexpectedly bailing and me being terrified of all the shootings on my street we have been living there for a few weeks now and I couldn't be happier.
For some reason Sophie always hated her room at our house and would never sleep there. Now she has her very own "big girl" bed and some awesome shelves for her books and her own little space. I love it, and she definitely seems to. I can't even remember the last time she had a night terror.
Added bonus, I get to see my man's handsome face every morning and every night. I've been waiting for that for a while now. I love him so much. Not sure how he puts up with me, but he does. :)
Job update: I'm back at the daycare part time. It's been nice finally working again and even nicer to have a job to go back to that feels almost exactly like coming home. The dogs drive me batshit crazy but I think everyone knows my love of puppies and my love of my boss/bestie and my coworker/bestie. I'm pretty lucky all around it seems. I'm going to be staying at the daycare until I graduate next year, especially since Kim will basically be gone in September once she starts school. Ugh.
Oh, and everyone probably knows this already but I cut off all of my hair! I can't believe how short it is. Two years ago I would have never thought to cut my middle-of-my-back length horse mane. Honestly (and this might be TMI) I feel WAY sexier with short hair than I ever did with long hair. It's boosted my confidence so much. That and working out every morning with one of my good lady friends.
All in all, big changes but I'm hoping that that's all the change I have right now. Last year was so hard, Sophie and I had to move like 3 times. But we finally have a home now with Joey and Carlos and we both could not be happier. I'm glad I wasn't able to talk him into a new pet because with us 3 and the 2 animals we have quite the big family now. I'm still going to bug him for pets though.
For some reason Sophie always hated her room at our house and would never sleep there. Now she has her very own "big girl" bed and some awesome shelves for her books and her own little space. I love it, and she definitely seems to. I can't even remember the last time she had a night terror.
 |
| Nugget's room! |
Added bonus, I get to see my man's handsome face every morning and every night. I've been waiting for that for a while now. I love him so much. Not sure how he puts up with me, but he does. :)
Job update: I'm back at the daycare part time. It's been nice finally working again and even nicer to have a job to go back to that feels almost exactly like coming home. The dogs drive me batshit crazy but I think everyone knows my love of puppies and my love of my boss/bestie and my coworker/bestie. I'm pretty lucky all around it seems. I'm going to be staying at the daycare until I graduate next year, especially since Kim will basically be gone in September once she starts school. Ugh.
Oh, and everyone probably knows this already but I cut off all of my hair! I can't believe how short it is. Two years ago I would have never thought to cut my middle-of-my-back length horse mane. Honestly (and this might be TMI) I feel WAY sexier with short hair than I ever did with long hair. It's boosted my confidence so much. That and working out every morning with one of my good lady friends.
 |
| My second day with short hair, out to see the Easter Bunny at JP with Sophie's bff's |
All in all, big changes but I'm hoping that that's all the change I have right now. Last year was so hard, Sophie and I had to move like 3 times. But we finally have a home now with Joey and Carlos and we both could not be happier. I'm glad I wasn't able to talk him into a new pet because with us 3 and the 2 animals we have quite the big family now. I'm still going to bug him for pets though.
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