As all my Facebook friends are aware, I'm fighting issues with my back again. This is now including trips to an orthopedist and probably impending surgery. On top of my back pain progressing I have lost feeling and function in my left leg. I can still walk fine. Unless I exert myself too much then I start walking like a pirate with a pegleg. The stairs in our home are becoming a real bitch lately. My biggest wish is to have one pain-free day. Just one. I feel so bad for Joey because right now I feel like all I do is cry. Every single evening I lay on our couch or in our bed and cry because I can't take the pain anymore. However, I have hope that they will figure everything and that maybe soon I'll be feeling like a normal girl my age.
While I was worrying about surgery and the time off work a week or so ago, Joey kept trying to stop me from spazzing. As always. I worry about everything all the time. Once I cried because I was thinking about "What if Sophie got into an accident when she started driving?" I know. I'm a psycho. This time I was trying to figure out what in the world I was going to do if I had to take two months off of work. Joey kept telling me not to worry, we don't even know if I have to have surgery yet and if I do then we will figure it out. He kept telling me not to worry and I kept telling me that I HAD TO. I looked at him and said "You don't understand, I'm a single mom, I can't NOT worry about being out of work." He shook his head and said "but you're not a single mom."
Now, I didn't forget that I was in a relationship for the past year, but we have only been living together for a month or so now. Not that he hasn't always been there for me because he absolutely has from day one but I'm just now realizing that I'm not a single parent anymore. I have an amazing, strong, sexy, funny boyfriend but I also have a partner now. Someone to rely on. I've never had that before. Sophie has always been my family but we are finally a complete family unit. Our moving in early happened so fast that I haven't even had the time to appreciate this fact and realize that I'M NOT A SINGLE MOM ANYMORE.
I'M NO LONGER THAT STEREOTYPE AND I HAVE SOMEONE TO FALL BACK ON.
Like I said. He's always been there, but somehow us living together as a family has made it so much more real to me. The day after this happened I pulled into our driveway, stared up at our house in our gorgeous neighborhood, thought about the places I've lived in the past 4 years (always alone) and I just started bawling. I'm so incredibly lucky and even with all this pain I'm experiencing I know that no matter what he's going to be there for me and I couldn't be anymore grateful.
(Now excuse me while I go cry some more tears of joy)
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